A sacred summer that created life long shifts...

Hello Everyone. I know it's been awhile. The universe took me offline for the summer and I am just getting back to writing and blogging. I started last week on my Facebook and can't stop and realized now it's time to be showing up here as well. Below is the post I did last night. I will be writing more and more so your inboxes might get a bit full, and then there will be those lulls when I am going deep in my own process. I'm not an every Tuesday kinda gal. Thank you for your patience and love as I do this my way and honor my truth, which I trust is best for every one involved. I hope your summers were full of wild living, so much love, connection and joy. Deep joy.

Much of what I do is around reclamation. Reclamation of all these pieces of me to get back to me. And this summer I dove deep into the world of sacredness. Of reclaiming my sacredness. Honoring my intuition. My sensuality. My strength. I spent a lot of time in nature which was a constant mirror for my sacred self and I learned that I'm SO sacred (as are we all). And that if I do not honor and treat myself as sacred, others will not. Not with their words, their paychecks, their actions. If I do not respect myself enough to say, Stop. Then they won't. They are simply (I say simply but it sure doesn't feel that way at times) a mirror for where I am in valuing and honoring myself.

My role is to understand my sacredness and honor it. To nourish my body, mind and spirit. To create situations, relationships, meals that honor it. And if something doesn't feel sacred I have a choice. To stay or leave. To ask for more money. To send the wilted lettuce back. To set a boundary. To ask for what I need and want.

I get to surround myself in Love.

You do too.

So, I did something which felt very scary today. I asked to be treated with Love. I asked for what I wanted. Simply. Clearly. Treat me with love. With kindness. Let your words be kind. No more disapproving, making me wrong and judgment that makes my heart hurt. I know it isn't personal. I am not angry. I am asking for what I need. And if you find this disapproval coming up please do not share it with me. Not on my Facebook feed. Not on text. Not in person. Tell the sky. The dog. The tree. Do not tell me. I am desiring to be met with LOVE because I am sacred. Because I am following a path that is sacred and there is nothing wrong with that, with me.

A few hours after I said this to the universe and before I sent the email. I heard from a magical man I met at burning man. A man that used the words Divine and Sensual to describe me. A man that honored me, respected me. Treated me with unconditional love. A man that I felt seen and appreciated by because I was at long last loving myself unconditionally and honoring my divinity and sensuality. He was a beautiful, profound, life changing mirror for me.

I love the universe and how it is just waiting for us to ask for more. Waiting for us to show up for ourselves at times. Because as much support as it gives us, there are moments when the next step is ours. The scary one, the one that feels like Indiana Jones stepping into the void. But the stones show up and carry us across with ease what was seemingly a step to our death. Because we are showing faith in where we are being lead. Faith in more. Faith in love. Faith in one another. Faith in that in asking for what we need with respect and kindness we create our lives.

I listened to a lot of music today. On Shuffle. And there were a few songs that looped through several times. 'I'm Free' by the Soup Dragons. 'Happy' by Pharrell (the universe is attempting to boost up my neuroreceptors for joy). Hozier's 'Take me the Church'. But I'll leave you with this one by India Arie because it seems to resonate most with this day of reclaiming my sacred. Of honoring my strength, courage and wisdom.

"Strength, Courage & Wisdom"

Inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun
Behind my eyes there lives a me that I've been hiding for much too long
'Cause I've been, too afraid to let it show
'Cause I'm scared of the judgment that may follow
Always putting off my living for tomorrow
It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my face
It's been elusive for so long, but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith, It's time to show my face
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

[Chorus:]
Strength, courage, and wisdom
And it's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me

Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility
Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice
But I've been, too afraid to make a choice
'Cause I'm scared of the things that I might be missing
Running too fast to stop and listen

It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my face
It's been elusive for so long but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith it's time to show my face
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
I close my eyes and I think of all the things that I want to see
'Cause I know, now that I've opened up my heart I know that
Anything I want can be, so let it be, so let it be:.

Strength, courage, and wisdom
It's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, wisdom
It's been inside of me all along, everyday I'm praying for:

[Chorus]

Vamp
I found it in me, I found it finally
I'm sure to keep it' cause I like it, I say thank you

Own it, own all of it.

I’m in the midst of writing a book…which is amazing and cool AND brings up all sorts of sadness and grief for all the little pieces of paper I find with gems of wisdom (we are talking about two large plastic tubs of notebooks, napkins, hotel stationary, torn pieces of 2x2 paper, receipts) for the unpublished blog posts, for all the living that happened that I didn’t think was worth sharing or helpful, or important to myself or others. 

When it so was. 

All these insights were steps, moments that helped me reclaim pieces of myself. They provided clues and answers as to why I felt so disconnected, alone, confused, broken and wrong. 

And now I see how all these pieces of papers could have helped others as well if I had realized and trusted what I was going through wasn't such such an anomaly, wasn't so crazy or wrong. That I wasn’t so crazy or wrong. And that in sharing, I wouldn’t have felt so alone, crazy or wrong.  Because I had to be the only lunatic who had so many notes, so many napkins, so many feelings.

Until I found out I wasn’t. 

Until I started meeting others like me with epic personal development book sections, notes, a litany of workshops attended. Seeking, maybe not even knowing what at times. Perhaps personal peace, personal power, self-expression, intimacy, sacred sex, love, mostly love probably. And lately I’ve realized that all those pieces of paper could be helpful to others. That maybe just maybe I have some hard-earned wisdom to share that the world needs that will make the bumpy curvy perfect path I’ve been on be easier for the next person brave enough to follow the calling and yearning of their soul.  

Or at least for them to know they are not alone. 

And in looking at these tubs of paper, in writing these stories, it is helping me digest, reflect and understand the last 7 years, the last 41 years of my life more and more. The magic of it. The blessings. The beauty.

And what’s underneath all of this is trusting and honoring my own wisdom that’s been bubbling to the surface. Trusting it for myself and trusting to share it. I am here to talk about feelings, to talk about my journey home to me, and I had to come to understand its value in the grand scheme of things first. I had to understand I was learning to feel these things, not just to be right with myself, but also because the world is starving for us to feel our feelings. Starving for me to show up with my notes, my heart, my ideas, my wisdom, my hugs, my wide open heart. Starving for us to say no more, to help bring a world that is so out of balance- back into balance. Back into that sweet spot of doing, rational, linear, productive and being, beauty, stillness and emotion. In this place, where all of it is valued.

And honestly, so many of these stories, these nuggets I was scared to share. They took me away from what I knew to be true, had been taught was true and right and good and desired. Who was I to have these experiences? What were these experiences??? And I kept thinking I would come to this moment when I had it all figured out and THEN it would be time to share. Right around the time I finally lost the last 10 pounds. Uh-no. 

I honor the words and moments that were lost by my inaction, fear and self-doubt. I honor this was not only of my doing and my creation and yet it is mine to undo. More than anything else in my lifetime, it is my responsibility to own my knowing, my feelings, who I am and share it. Because if I don’t, that is the disservice, that is the dishonesty, that is perpetuating a culture, a way of living I don’t want to perpetuate or play in anymore.  

And so I delve into the plastic tubs of paper, into my memory and my heart and I trust the deepest and truest words that are mine to share will find their way back through me 

What is yours to share? To own? We need your personal brand of beauty, truth and knowing in the world.

    a small sampling from the tubs of wisdom...

    a small sampling from the tubs of wisdom...

I’m going to be opening up our Reclaim Your Wild Facebook community soon. It’s a private group for those of you desiring more support and more community on your journey.  I've been loving receiving your emails and realize we could use a place to share. You are not alone!