I’m in the midst of writing a book…which is amazing and cool AND brings up all sorts of sadness and grief for all the little pieces of paper I find with gems of wisdom (we are talking about two large plastic tubs of notebooks, napkins, hotel stationary, torn pieces of 2x2 paper, receipts) for the unpublished blog posts, for all the living that happened that I didn’t think was worth sharing or helpful, or important to myself or others.
When it so was.
All these insights were steps, moments that helped me reclaim pieces of myself. They provided clues and answers as to why I felt so disconnected, alone, confused, broken and wrong.
And now I see how all these pieces of papers could have helped others as well if I had realized and trusted what I was going through wasn't such such an anomaly, wasn't so crazy or wrong. That I wasn’t so crazy or wrong. And that in sharing, I wouldn’t have felt so alone, crazy or wrong. Because I had to be the only lunatic who had so many notes, so many napkins, so many feelings.
Until I found out I wasn’t.
Until I started meeting others like me with epic personal development book sections, notes, a litany of workshops attended. Seeking, maybe not even knowing what at times. Perhaps personal peace, personal power, self-expression, intimacy, sacred sex, love, mostly love probably. And lately I’ve realized that all those pieces of paper could be helpful to others. That maybe just maybe I have some hard-earned wisdom to share that the world needs that will make the bumpy curvy perfect path I’ve been on be easier for the next person brave enough to follow the calling and yearning of their soul.
Or at least for them to know they are not alone.
And in looking at these tubs of paper, in writing these stories, it is helping me digest, reflect and understand the last 7 years, the last 41 years of my life more and more. The magic of it. The blessings. The beauty.
And what’s underneath all of this is trusting and honoring my own wisdom that’s been bubbling to the surface. Trusting it for myself and trusting to share it. I am here to talk about feelings, to talk about my journey home to me, and I had to come to understand its value in the grand scheme of things first. I had to understand I was learning to feel these things, not just to be right with myself, but also because the world is starving for us to feel our feelings. Starving for me to show up with my notes, my heart, my ideas, my wisdom, my hugs, my wide open heart. Starving for us to say no more, to help bring a world that is so out of balance- back into balance. Back into that sweet spot of doing, rational, linear, productive and being, beauty, stillness and emotion. In this place, where all of it is valued.
And honestly, so many of these stories, these nuggets I was scared to share. They took me away from what I knew to be true, had been taught was true and right and good and desired. Who was I to have these experiences? What were these experiences??? And I kept thinking I would come to this moment when I had it all figured out and THEN it would be time to share. Right around the time I finally lost the last 10 pounds. Uh-no.
I honor the words and moments that were lost by my inaction, fear and self-doubt. I honor this was not only of my doing and my creation and yet it is mine to undo. More than anything else in my lifetime, it is my responsibility to own my knowing, my feelings, who I am and share it. Because if I don’t, that is the disservice, that is the dishonesty, that is perpetuating a culture, a way of living I don’t want to perpetuate or play in anymore.
And so I delve into the plastic tubs of paper, into my memory and my heart and I trust the deepest and truest words that are mine to share will find their way back through me
What is yours to share? To own? We need your personal brand of beauty, truth and knowing in the world.
I’m going to be opening up our Reclaim Your Wild Facebook community soon. It’s a private group for those of you desiring more support and more community on your journey. I've been loving receiving your emails and realize we could use a place to share. You are not alone!