Everyday Wild

Happy Friday loves

One of the big things I noticed in my life is that I wasn't living wild in my everyday. I would trek in Nepal, go to dance retreats and feel SO ALIVE. Then I would come home and slowly return to the everyday. I forgot to nourish and feed my wild on a daily basis. So I've learned it's the little things, the daily things that truly help me reclaim my wild. Whether it's biking around Amsterdam at night or in the rain- to feel the cold, to see other people, the buildings, the tulips. To be out in the world in more wild ways everyday. Last night I went and saw a movie and brought dark chocolate infused with chili for my movie snack. Wild for this good girl to bring in outside food, I really do love breaking rules to fuel my pleasure.

I remembered that years ago when Julie and Julia came out I went to see it in the theatre and thought- how can I sit through this movie without great food and wine? So I went to Whole Foods and bought what enticed me:  red wine, organic cherry tomatoes and a piece of vegan chocolate cake. I brought my own wine glass and silverware too. I had so much fun thinking about it and doing it. I truly believe these are the every day things that help us feel alive, wild and free. Dancing in the rain, biking over cobblestone streets with no end point in mind, flirting with a man at the Butcher shop, getting an ice cream cone in January, serenading the person next to you in traffic, doing yoga on your lawn, eating breakfast in the park on your way to work, having your partner/roommate feed you fresh organic raspberries, telling your truth and feeling that zing of sensation and spaciousness. Every day we get to be wild, how lucky are we?

I would love to hear how you are being more wild in your everyday life. Share in the comments or join us on the Reclaim your Wild Facebook group.

Here's to a day of wild, alive, free living. 

                 Wild and free as I bike around Amsterdam. Feeling alive, joyful and oh so happy. 

Spending Thanksgiving alone and loving it

Thanksgiving is my very favorite holiday: gathering with friends and family to celebrate our blessings, to enjoy one another and delicious food (please let the food be truly delicious and not lukewarm).  My mom's stuffing recipe is one of my favorite dishes on earth, I look forward to it every year.  

A few years ago I was home in Seattle for Thanksgiving.  This particular year had been a tough one. I'd gone through some huge ruptures in my life, ended a very toxic relationship with a family member and my body was releasing all the stress/sadness/fear I'd been holding onto since I was a little girl. Because I set such a firm boundary, because I finally protected myself, my system was trusting me and at long last my body could finally truly relax and release.  I had bronchitis for six weeks (in chinese medicine the lungs are grief...and boy did I have a lot of grief to move through). So when Thanksgiving rolled around I planned on seeing how felt. I had a number of wonderful invitations to join friends around their festive and loving tables.  Did I want to be around people? What felt best for my body and soul?  

So here we are Thanksgiving day and I just kept staying in bed.

I slept and slept and read historical romance fiction and slept some more. I meditated. I slept. There may or may not have been a shower. I was delighted, ecstatic, giggly. I shuffled to the kitchen to grab a Kind bar at one point to ease the hunger.  In the early evening I emerged from my bedroom in total joy and calm. I popped open my laptop and found some new healthier versions of cakes, cookies, bread recipes because when I am happy and full of love I bake and create sweetness and then share it with others. At one point I spilled my glass of red wine on my laptop and fried it. Shit. I freaked out a bit and searched on my phone "red wine on keyboard" followed the steps I found, set it aside and then kept baking using my phone for recipes.  I was in such joy and flow it didn't derail me and I baked until 3am.

I don't remember all the details of how I spent that day but I remember this. It felt divine. Perfect. There was no other place I wanted to be. And I was utterly, delightfully at peace with it.  It was exactly what my body and soul needed and by getting in approval with that I had a totally joy-filled day. 

So follow your pleasure, follow your truth, reclaim your wild and do Thanksgiving, the holidays, your birthday, every day your way. In doing so you set more and more people free to follow their own pleasure which creates more true joy and connection in our world...and that is something to be truly grateful for. 

What can you do this holiday season to be in your pleasure? To honor your truth? Say no to travel? Head somewhere warm? Homemade gifts? No holiday cards? Stay inside all day binge watching Scandal? Only you know what is best for you.

                                    One of my Thanksgiving creations...slightly lopsided but full of love and joy   

                                    One of my Thanksgiving creations...slightly lopsided but full of love and joy

 






Contractions and Labor Pains…

I love the magic in the course of everyday life as your follow your pleasure and your truth. I needed to get some probiotics and skin cream (cuz it’s getting cold over here in Amsterdam). I prefer to shop at local stores and buy natural products so I found a sweet little locally owned natural product shop a few blocks from my apartment. While paying for my items I notice some angel cards on the counter. I pull one; Loslaten. The Dutch word for letting go. Which, it being the new moon and what was going in my life really resonated. 

About two weeks later it’s shampoo and conditioner time and I pull Geboorte. Birth. Which sent a zing of energy through my body. A few weeks of letting go, being in Amsterdam, spending a lot of time inward, shedding the old and now birthing a new way of living of being, of honoring more and more of my truth. Yes, birthing. Thank you angel cards for that perspective, that awareness.

When I get home I see they’d accidentally put a bottle of Tween Multivitamin (perhaps because I’m looking so youthful these days?) in my bag which I return a few hours later and pull another card, Geboorte. Birth. Again. Thanks Universe for the steady reminder. 

I needed it because birthing is not easy, it’s not pain free and I forget that…a lot. I think I should know by now (notice the words think and should- never a good sign) how to rock and roll these epic transitions but letting go and birthing are creative, human endeavors which means there are emotions, the mind, my body, my ego…everything’s involved in this process and there is so much we cannot control. There is loss, there is a desire for a part of me to hang on, to be comfortable and another part that is pushing and pulling to see the light of day. There are old habits, patterns and beliefs jockeying for land rights in this new landscape I’m creating. (Think of the scene from Far and Away with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman racing on horseback through the open prairie and staking their claims with flags, except mine have words written on them “Fear” “Judgment” “Lose 10 pounds” “Wrong” alongside new beliefs "Abundance" "Sovereign" "Alchemist" "Allow" "Receive" "Beauty").

So yesterday, when it was time to restock epsom salts, my card was Genade which means Mercy/Grace. 

Mercy: compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm. 

Which is exactly what I needed. Which I believe is something so much of us need. I'm really good at punishing or harming myself with my thoughts and judgments. Mercy and grace are so welcomed. These are flags I wish to stake in my new landscape. 

I needed this card, this gentle swipe of energy across my heart and head for me to relax, to know all is happening in divine timing and as reminder to be kind and gentle towards myself rather than judging. My mind likes to focus on the half empty and my heart is so wanting me to see and experience the overflowing glass. I pushed too hard the last few weeks trying to birth, thinking I knew what I was birthing, when to do it…doing it the patriarchal way. Through force, through thinking, through control. So I forgive myself, for this is the way I have known, adapted to and to remember and celebrate all the times I chose to rest, write, dance, cook nourishing foods, sit in silence surrounded by candles, stroll around Amsterdam, sit in nature. To forgive myself for not doing it 'perfectly': eating chocolate when I needed to cry or feel something I didn’t want to feel, or reaching for a glass of wine or Modern Family when I could have danced, stretched or sat in nature. 

And I was once again reminded of how every step of the way I am held, I am loved, I am safe- that all is well. That in following my pleasure and truth I receive sweet, profound and gentle guidance.  Be it angel cards, sobbing through Hope Floats, eating under the stars of Amsterdam, Tween Multivitamins, taking an epsom salt bath, the perfect song coming on to move my body. Whatever we need comes our way...we just have to open our minds and hearts to it, allow it, welcome it in and trust it truly is exactly what we need to birth our greatest creation- ourselves. 

                                   Some flowers to celebrate your creation! Enjoy!      

                                   Some flowers to celebrate your creation! Enjoy!

 

 



Lost, Lost, Lost and Found in Amsterdam

I’ve been in Amsterdam for three weeks now. It’s not a large city, 82 square miles. However, due to all the canals it’s divided into approximately 90 islands, which are linked by more than 1,200 bridges. (Thank you Wikipedia).  So It can get a little a little confusing for this American as I walk and bike.  I’ve spent more time lost in Amsterdam than anything and I sense that is the exact reason why I am here. To get lost. To get away from what I have come to believe as me and to see what crops up. I still love watching the Graham Norton show on youtube (if you need a laugh- this is the place to go). I still love avocado on gluten free toast for breakfast. What’s shifting is my perspective on me in the world. In understanding that How I show up is what matters. Am I showing up with curiosity? With love? Am I open to new and trusting this is exactly where I am meant to be? Am I trusting myself? Can I continue to step off the path I think I am supposed to be on and follow one that is being laid out before me that offers so much more magic, living, joy and love and yet pulls me farther from all that I know? Answers: Yes. Yes. Yes..okay sorta. Sometimes. Resistance. 

Because part of this makes no 'sense'. I'm in the midst of starting my company, creating a video, collaborations. Shouldn't I be in Seattle? Or at least in the States? Shouldn't I..shouldn't I..shouldn't I?? No. I am exactly where I am meant to be. Across the water, growing, seeing my life, me in a new way, getting a new perspective which is infusing my writing and my life, Skyping with collaborators, creating community with people from India, France, Germany, the US and meeting more collaborators here and living out a long held dream to create a life where I can live wherever I want, wherever I am called and be of service. So yes, it makes sense because it's simply my truth. 

The other day I had a list of errands to run but I decided to walk out the front door and just go rather than worry about following directions. I’d come to an intersection and see where my body wanted to go, when I looked to the right did it light up or constrict? I started noticing that I would get a clear hit each time. And it led me to exactly where I needed to go. To a shopping area to finds boots, a flower stand to buy tulips for my friend I’m staying with and to have a lovely chat with a man who had toured the US in a rock ’n roll band in the 80s. Then I found a wine story for a delicious bottle of Pinot Noir (loving the 7 Euro bottles of wine over here).  Next, an organic store where I bought Indian Winter coconut milk ice cream with ginger root, cardamon, coriander and nutmeg that I would later put over pan roasted sweet potatoes with a few caramelized almonds for a tasty fall treat. I found a place to rent a bike, an ATM, an American book store. And as the sky darkened I enjoyed walking by people’s lit up homes checking out the cool interiors that Amsterdam is renowned for. 

In signing up for getting lost, for trusting, it worked out better than I could have imagined or tried to create. 

 This is what I have to get into my marrow, my brain cells. It works out. Every time. Every time it's better than I imagined. And yet I am still surprised. I still resist. I still think I know what will happen or should happen. That is how strong my training is, how deeply ingrained it is within me to stay on the 'right' path. I doubt people think that of me, they don't see the struggle that can be happening on the inside. But trust me, it's there sometimes. And I have to remind myself to trust my instincts, to remember how beautifully it's worked out before, to shut out the other voices in my head that think its wrong and to go for it.  Whether it's leaving my apartment with no plan, spending my 40th birthday by myself or buying a one way ticket to Kathmandu...it's all the same, I just need to remember to pack my humility, courage and heart.

Where can you get lost for awhile? Is there somewhere or something that you’re being called to but are resisting? Trust. Enjoy. Breathe. And take a step on your path…I'm cheering you on. 

Love and tulips from Amsterdam

 

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Sharing our wild hearts with each other and the world

I've been enjoying receiving people's emails and messages as you share your stories with me. As you talk of disconnection, feeling like an outsider, how hard it is to be sensitive in a culture that doesn't seem to value it. The frustration and pain of trying to fit in and that causing more pain. Wanting to come home to yourself and create change in your life. Thank you for sharing yourselves with me, it means more to me than you know.  Here's a response I wrote last night to one such person and I felt called to share it with all of you. 

Thank you for sharing your beautiful deep feelings. They are exactly what we need in the world. People like you and I to have these feelings, to navigate by them, to honor them, to create change because we live our lives differently. And that is our beauty. Our sensitive, feeling, intuitive selves are huge gifts to ourselves and the world..we are just learning how to honor and navigate by them. I see your beauty and know that we are both finding our way in a new world, where our wild hearts are our guides.

I could still be married to a good man, having kids I really didn't want but tried really hard to want, maintaining a beautiful home I was so fortunate to own but didn't really want to spend the time or money maintaing and trying to be okay with three weeks vacation a year. That is not my truth.  Instead I got honest with how I felt and now I have an apartment, a plant sitter and I'm writing, creating my company and feeling all my feelings in Amsterdam, dancing on beaches, dating, and meeting more of my tribe. It's bumpy, it's uncomfortable at times, it's new territory for us as individuals, in our families, at work. I'm learning that all these feelings, when I welcome them and honor them are the most beautiful fuel for creating a passionate, connected life. 

You are so beautiful and deep and rich and sensitive and historically this world is not created for us feelers to thrive. Our adaption, stepping away from our true nature has been painful and as more of us did it our true selves were hidden, our hearts hardened...it can feel hard to find our tribe, our place in the world. As more of us reclaim our truth and start living it, we find one another. In dance classes, walks in the wild, workshops, farmer's markets, trains in India, the tissue aisle. For you, you feel disconnection at your PTA events, a workplace where people don't fully show up...for me it's other things but we both feel such a forcing, disconnected energy. You want more intimacy, connection and communion in all parts of your life. I hear that. And you aren’t getting it and feel like you are working so hard for it.  I get how exhausting and disappointing it is to try so hard for something that feels like it should be very basic: connection.  Maybe now is a time for inward? And more quiet time to come home to yourself? I don't know. I do know we get to change it. We get to make new choices about how we show up, where we go, with who, how we do it.  We get to stand for more than what we were taught was ours. Life gets to feel delicious, alive, full of pleasure and intimacy with ourselves and others.

I don’t feel this, read this as a pity party as you said. I read it as a gift of you sharing your beautiful feelings with me, of you sharing your yearning and your desires and your truth with me. These are not wrong. They are your truth. More is calling you. You want more and you have to leave some things behind to create space for the new, in whatever realm that is, at whatever time feels best for you. You know your truth and your path better than anyone, trust yourself.

I  have been in such disapproval of me, and I read that in this email too. What if we totally approved of all of who we are and what we want? What would we do, create, say? I love and adore you, every molecule, every feeling, every tender part of you. You are amazing and perfect and you are a woman who is doing it her way and honoring your truth and your feelings and that is what this world needs.  The world needs our voice, our actions to shift the way it operates. Let's stop adapting and shake it up with our wild hearts.

Loving you exactly where you are.