I love the magic in the course of everyday life as your follow your pleasure and your truth. I needed to get some probiotics and skin cream (cuz it’s getting cold over here in Amsterdam). I prefer to shop at local stores and buy natural products so I found a sweet little locally owned natural product shop a few blocks from my apartment. While paying for my items I notice some angel cards on the counter. I pull one; Loslaten. The Dutch word for letting go. Which, it being the new moon and what was going in my life really resonated.
About two weeks later it’s shampoo and conditioner time and I pull Geboorte. Birth. Which sent a zing of energy through my body. A few weeks of letting go, being in Amsterdam, spending a lot of time inward, shedding the old and now birthing a new way of living of being, of honoring more and more of my truth. Yes, birthing. Thank you angel cards for that perspective, that awareness.
When I get home I see they’d accidentally put a bottle of Tween Multivitamin (perhaps because I’m looking so youthful these days?) in my bag which I return a few hours later and pull another card, Geboorte. Birth. Again. Thanks Universe for the steady reminder.
I needed it because birthing is not easy, it’s not pain free and I forget that…a lot. I think I should know by now (notice the words think and should- never a good sign) how to rock and roll these epic transitions but letting go and birthing are creative, human endeavors which means there are emotions, the mind, my body, my ego…everything’s involved in this process and there is so much we cannot control. There is loss, there is a desire for a part of me to hang on, to be comfortable and another part that is pushing and pulling to see the light of day. There are old habits, patterns and beliefs jockeying for land rights in this new landscape I’m creating. (Think of the scene from Far and Away with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman racing on horseback through the open prairie and staking their claims with flags, except mine have words written on them “Fear” “Judgment” “Lose 10 pounds” “Wrong” alongside new beliefs "Abundance" "Sovereign" "Alchemist" "Allow" "Receive" "Beauty").
So yesterday, when it was time to restock epsom salts, my card was Genade which means Mercy/Grace.
Mercy: compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm.
Which is exactly what I needed. Which I believe is something so much of us need. I'm really good at punishing or harming myself with my thoughts and judgments. Mercy and grace are so welcomed. These are flags I wish to stake in my new landscape.
I needed this card, this gentle swipe of energy across my heart and head for me to relax, to know all is happening in divine timing and as reminder to be kind and gentle towards myself rather than judging. My mind likes to focus on the half empty and my heart is so wanting me to see and experience the overflowing glass. I pushed too hard the last few weeks trying to birth, thinking I knew what I was birthing, when to do it…doing it the patriarchal way. Through force, through thinking, through control. So I forgive myself, for this is the way I have known, adapted to and to remember and celebrate all the times I chose to rest, write, dance, cook nourishing foods, sit in silence surrounded by candles, stroll around Amsterdam, sit in nature. To forgive myself for not doing it 'perfectly': eating chocolate when I needed to cry or feel something I didn’t want to feel, or reaching for a glass of wine or Modern Family when I could have danced, stretched or sat in nature.
And I was once again reminded of how every step of the way I am held, I am loved, I am safe- that all is well. That in following my pleasure and truth I receive sweet, profound and gentle guidance. Be it angel cards, sobbing through Hope Floats, eating under the stars of Amsterdam, Tween Multivitamins, taking an epsom salt bath, the perfect song coming on to move my body. Whatever we need comes our way...we just have to open our minds and hearts to it, allow it, welcome it in and trust it truly is exactly what we need to birth our greatest creation- ourselves.