My birthday was February 16th but am getting caught up with sharing writing with better internet connection. Now in Valparaiso, Chile. This was written 70km away from Ushuaia, Argentina...the southernmost city in the world!
So sometimes you surrender and you call in your desires for a beautiful lodge in nature to spend your birthday with some good people and some magic. And you get SO. MUCH. MORE. and it all looks different than you imagined but it feels just as you imagined. Although you never imagined a lamb named Marta would be involved. It starts off slow, like sleeping in, meditating about your desires for this year, and then with a lot of resistance finally getting in your body. And it is here where you start feeling it, where you feel the freedom, the beauty, the surrender, the hope. You feel how much you've grown, how far you've come, you feel the joy and safety of being in your body in all ways after years of not. You feel limber. You feel open. And you wander down to breakfast where it is just you, not only because you are the only guest here but because it is 10:30. And you don't know or care what time it is but your computer lets you know.
And you eat some scrambled eggs, and you write a bit and then you get on Facebook and you see these incredible messages of love coming in from all over the world. And you get one from a new friend, a man, who honors that you live your life from your heart, who encourages you to keep doing it. And you realize that because you are showing up in the world with more of your soulfulness, your heart truth, your wild, you are receiving more love for who you truly are. Because you have removed some layers and let more men in, they are showing up in love for you. And this, well this brings the biggest smile to your face and heart. You reread this message several times and realize this is what you have been waiting for and you just let the goodness sink in.
And you do a few love capers, because you love love. And then you get your journal and find a sunny place on the porch that is shielded from the wind so you can write your desires for the year. And as you write about your desire to truly welcome men into your life to welcome in more intimacy and vulnerability you are a bit distracted when a lamb comes up to you and starts baahing. And soon you are introduced to this lamb. Hola Marta, mi hombre es Kim. And she hangs out with you for awhile as you write in your journal, in the sun, with a few of the lake, of lupines on this windy day.
And then you are invited to join the folks who work here, there are 4 incredible souls: Fernando, Candy, Marline and Raul...well Raul invites you to join them in back for a barbecue for you birthday. And you find yourself at a table with fresh vegetables, with Fernando cooking a meal for you- meat, onions, bell peppers. There is an open fire to cook this over in a large cast iron pot, there is homemade bread. And you are given a glass of Malbec and fresh wild strawberries and while it is windy and cold the sun is out, Marta is nearby and then you are taken to meet the rabbits. And when you return there is more Malbec and local beer opened, and there are toasts and cheers in your honor and then there are spanglish conversations and laughter.
The meal wraps up after a few hours but you sit down and talk with one of the women, and somehow, as it divinely does, the talk comes to the heart, and this young woman of 25 shares her story that she is also a survivor, she talks of her difficulty in feeling all of these emotions, this conflicting, she talks of her desire of love and family. And you share you story and you hear yourself in a way you never have before, with a softness and a compassion that has never been present. You hear yourself talk about your own tale of healing. You own story of reclamation. And there are hugs and then it is time for a bath and siesta. And as you do on all days you give 30 minutes to these younger energies still living inside of you. And today, well today they want nothing more than to move on. They are done. They are complete with the old. they felt heard, they feel safe. And so in that bath you leave these energies and let them drain away with the water. And after your siesta you feel a peace you have never felt before.
You put on your clothes for a hike, there is more sun now than before. And you walk through the forest and there is a deep sense of celebration. Of delight. A walk of love. We did it. We healed it. And now it gets to be left here in the forests of Patagonia. And we get to let the love in, let the men in, we get to delight in who we are. We get to honor ourselves, not only the universe, for all that has happened. And you get to the top of the mountain this end of the trail and feel at peace. Turning around there is an excitement and so you aren't paying too much attention to trail markers and quickly find yourself lost in this forest where it all looks the same. And you think back to weeks before where you lost you phone in a very similar situation and instead of panicking, instead of moving all about and just barreling forward you stop.
And you say, this time it is going to be easy. It needs to be easy. And you know how to get back to the end of the trail and so you find yourself there and you start over. Being more present. And you see that there are signs everywhere. Orange and yellow sticks, red markers on trees. And you realize that there are always signs and it always gets to be easy. There might be times where you have to be brave and walk a few steps without knowing but then there it is, the next sign, guiding you to the next place. And you know you can do this. And there are a few places where it is a bit more dark and confusing and there are signs everywhere. And you you relax into this knowing, into this reminder. You are always held, You are never alone. There is always support. There is always love. And it gets to be easy.
So you stroll back to your room, crawl into bed and send your mom a message of love thanking her for carrying you, for birthing you- with an understanding of this gift she bestowed upon you in a way you never have before. And you finally send that long drafted email to the man from a few weeks back who because of his essence and caring opened you up for the love affair that changed your life. And then you hear the fire in the living room going. So you leave your room and stretch in front of this massive fire, letting its heat soften your muscles, soften your heart. You start writing your gratitudes for the day because there are so many and you are feeling full and then Raul invites you to join the crew for dinner at 10pm and that feels lovely.
You get back in front of the fire and put on your music and this time, its to dance. This dance party for one. The very thing I am needing. And so I'm Free by Soup Dragon comes on and then El Taxi comes by Pitbull, Domino by Jessie J, Let it Be by Carol Woods and a Sam Smith tune and you get to feel all these different energies through your body, you are free to dance in front of the fire and it is so perfect there are no other guests because you get this dance party for one in front of the fireplace.
Then you head down to the dining room and you see they have opened up the main dining room and there is a fire going. There is a circular table set for 5. Two bottles of Malbec are brought out and you recognize one from weeks before, a special bottle shared with the very man that messaged you earlier in the day. So you choose that one. And then there is eggplant, and lentil stew and pasta with seafood. And there is conversation about Game of Thrones and music. There is spanglish. There is talk of what would your last meal be and with who (Shakira, both men chose you, I went for Jamie Fraser). There is laughter. There are smiles and then the lights are dimmed and a huge birthday cake is brought out for you. And the candle is purple which is so perfect and after you make your wish and a bottle of champagne has been opened you are told that the owner got this candle from the hotel where he picked you up and it means even more, that this man made sure I had a candle for my birthday cake. And it means even more that the cake is chocolate as I desired. And that I am drinking it with champagne and a special glass of Malbec.
And as the others drift away, the woman from earlier in the day and I have a chance for a more words of love, of support. I get to thank her for helping me close a chapter in my life and truly starting a new one. I get to thank her for her bravery, her reflection of mine. I get to hold her arm and wish her well as she dives into her healing and to let her know I am with her in every moment. And then I take some of this special malbec and another bit of cake up to my little area and sit in front of the fire, with a rose scented candle lit and digest all of this here. All of this magic. The exact love that I needed today on this birthday of mine. Freedom. Love. Sisterhood. Wild Hearted Living. Malbec. Chocolate Cake. Lentils. Nature. Fire. Wind. Sunshine. Magical Forests. Water lapping against the rocky shore. Joy. Dance. Communion. My favorite things that the universe knows I so love. And a lamb named Marta to top it off. Thank you universe. Thank you for the love. More please. I am ready for more.