Written February 24th. In Santiago, Chile.
I am so profoundly grateful to be feeling better in my body again. I can't tell you how off it is for me to not dance, to not walk around Buenos Aires, to not get to take myself out for a birthday hamburger with live music, to not dance salsa until 4am in Buenos Aires. I missed it. I missed the aliveness and vitality. Because this is where I commune with my play, with my joy. It is in this body of mine. And while I took great care of it while sick- resting,, water, oral rehydration salts- there was another energy coursing through it after 7 days of quiet time in Ushuaia. Let's get out there and play! Let's flirt, and kiss, and ride on a moped, and tango in the park and salsa until dawn. Let's surround ourselves with beauty, with stunning architecture. Let's walk and take in the street performers, the cemetery, the bookstore, the textiles, the food. Oh let's take in the beauty of the food, the drink, the glasses, the restaurants.
After years of over isolating and playing it safe, it is my body and my soul that are clamoring for more. So there was grief in leaving Buenos Aires for that energy which was not experienced, that sense of aliveness and vitality my body was craving. And it is such a reminder of where my joy is. Of where my creation lies. It is in me. In this body of mine. It is why I start every morning with stretching and dancing- to ground into my wisdom, my greatest guide before I go out in the world. And so this morning I gave myself a Buenos Aires re-do. I imagined myself out in BA, savoring food, flirting away, meeting a man, dancing with him, feeling myself wrapped in his arms. I imagined how we laughed, how his forearms felts as I caressed them. I imagined the energy of walking through BA late at night, holding hands with him, taking in the beauty of it all. I imagined and felt the energy of me laughing, of me feeling turned-on, of playing drums, of dancing tango in a park really horribly but with great play and delight, of a dramatic leg sweep as I trust my body would have done with joy. And as I do this, I feel this hole inside of me fill up with these energies, fill up with a reminder of who I am.
Fill up with the desires for these feelings of how I am in the world in different moments.
Because there are times I am quiet, and I spend chunks of time by the river stretching, moving the old through my body or hiking solo as I have done so much these last 4 weeks. And in BA I wanted the new, I wanted these notes and tones in a different way. I wanted the aliveness of it all. The experience of this side of me that I have never truly lived in the world. More of me in it. More love, more play, more delight, more dance, more romance, more sensuality, more sex, more men, more yelling and dancing at a soccer game, more laughter. I wanted more. I am ready for more. And I am so grateful I took the time to honor the hole I felt. The hole I have felt many times when I have been out of flow with what the universe created for me. More love. So this hole is not nearly as big as it was this morning, these last few days. My body feels more alive, more dynamic, more hopeful. And I desire to be met with these notes and tones so I can keep expanding, keeping experiencing more of what is possible in this life. So I can keep loving more and being more of the expression of my true wild essence.
Thank you universe- excited for the magic, for the notes and tones that await me as I head out to explore Santiago. More please. So much more.
How can you get back into and honor your body today? Maybe put on a few songs and let your body guide you. Lay down and rest for 10 minutes. Take a bath. Enjoy!