I arrived back in Seattle a few weeks ago. Filled up from my pilgrimage, ready to start a new chapter in my life, DONE! with the old stories, my old way of living. Onward ho!
Except I wasn't. My heart and body had some healing to do. My pelvis had some major fear to release (ask my acupuncturist) and I kept shoving it away because my new story was I'm DONE with that old story. So when all these emotions came up, when my heart was knocking on my head, I wasn't answering the door. Who wants to open that door to all those pesky old emotions? I'm DONE!
So when my afore-mentioned acupuncturist informed me of the fear I needed to let come up and out through my belly, through my heart, throat and jaw, I wasn't pleased. I was angry. BUT I'm DONE! (Apparently the binge tv watching and extra glasses of wine were not seeping in as information that not all was well)
So for the past few days, I've been writing and crying and dancing and cleaning and reading and writing and writing and writing. Letting all this fear move through. Will I ever be able to heal my relationships with men? Stay in my power and truth around them? Will I press my edges of my sensual and sexual life? Will I press the edges of how much love I show up with in the world? Will I practice radical honesty and have good boundaries? Will I truly reclaim my wild? Can I take away the keys to my car from teenager and get her to enjoy the view from the backseat? Can I trust myself to make choices from a wiser place? Can I show myself compassion for these hurts still being here? (the answer to the last one was no, but I'm doing a much better job these last few days). I was just so damn ready to be moving on that I was keeping all this stagnant fear in my system. Which is not a great foundation for a new beginning.
So take some time this week...what needs some space to emerge? What needs to be heard by you? By the world? Write it out, speak it. LOVE IT UP! Because kicking it in the face like I was doing "get away from me pesky girl!" doesn't work and doesn't lead to great things. Welcoming it with loads of compassion and curiosity is a much more loving choice and will truly lead to the next chapter, a much lighter, joyful one at that.