Bariloche, Argentina

I'm on day 4 in Bariloche, Argentina and indeed it has been full of magic. So much magic it takes my breath away as I type this. I have been met with love at every turn. The love of this land- which is so stunningly beautiful it moves me with humility to know I have been called to experience it. To engage with it. The love of its people- meeting a family who runs the hotel I'm staying at and eating dinners with them, inciting a whats app conversation amongst them about the la prima (the cousin) from california. Being held by them. Meeting a man who on and off shares his heart with me, who opens me up to mine and to my body, to my true desires. An incredible gift as he whispers Italian into my ear, caresses my arm. The things I have so been craving that this in itself feels like the grandest miracle possible. Going slow. Being offline. Getting back in to my body. Into presence. Into flow. Being held by the sun, the land.

Other magic? Tomorrow I will take a boat out to De Isla Victoria. A National Park that has an incredible hotel on it, owned by the same family. I traveled there yesterday and it is sacred land. The minute I arrived I felt some part of me that has been lost since September arrive back. Amidst a grove of trees I remembered my knowing. My being the lady of the vale. Of having such wisdom and knowledge. Today as I sat on rock and looked out at lakes and mountains i felt my entire system relax. This is where I feel most at home. In the wild. Amongst the trees, the sun, the water...everything makes sense to me here. There is no worry of cellulite, of Kanye and Kim, of no wheat/no dairy, of tension or struggle, or question. All there is is the moment. The beauty in front of me.

I never know how a day will unfold. I ask for magic, for pleasure, ease, sensuality, sexuality, for wild, for play, for love. Today I woke up in the arms of this Italian whispering to me that I have a beautiful day. Then I ate breakfast and went back to bed for an hour before hiking into the woods for hours and being present to the sky, the emotions it moved within me, the beauty, the astounding beauty of it all. the astounding beauty of all of us. Then I danced my out of the trail, so happy and in delight with life. Some time sitting on a picnic table, my mind racing to get back to my hotel, to the what's next with the man chapter and my body wanting to slow down and just sit at this table and stare at the trees and the blue sky. Then wandering for a water and relaxing at a picnic table to daydream about said man. What do I desire with this person? Some heart. Some communion. Sharing more of our lives.

I return to the hotel and when I head down to the lounge in my pleasure to write, there he is. And over a cafe and white wine we share more of our last year. We talk of movement, of change, of transition, of all that happened. Perhaps my voice is a higher pitch and less grounded than if sharing with a friend..but I am sharing none the less. I share my kissing booth story and later on am inspired to walk into the room where he is working and give him a loving kiss with a side of nibble. I do this for me. Because this is what my wild wants. Because this is what has been what's been waiting to come out. This trusting that what my body wants to do is as beautiful and divine as the vistas I saw earlier in the day. That there is no need to shove this part of me aside. For it is wise. And needed. And I'm sorry but how fun to walk in and kiss a beautiful man for MY pleasure! Hallelujah.

As I write this I realize each moment is for me to take ownership for a greater sense of my true desires. to speak more directly, more honestly. To tell him what it is I want. And I am doing it, although it feels more like my 16 year old talking with him, then my wise self since this is the very first time I am truly doing this. Asking for what I want. Kisses, Caresses, heart sharing. It is all so new to me and all that I have yearned for my entire life.

So this is all happening amongst the backdrop of Bariloche, Argentina. A place of such vast beauty it inspires wild living. It inspires me to be more honest as adorably wobbly as it is. At least I am doing it. And amongst all of this, amongst all of this new, there is the old. An email from my former husband thanking me for sharing videos of our time together, asking if he can borrow the camera to take footage of his two beautiful children. And I cry a bit with such delight that this man who i loved so completely and so beautifully in the way I could in my 20s in the way I knew how at that time, in the way I was meant to love him and then leave him...that we have come to a place where he is borrowing the very video camera my parents gifted us on our wedding day to take videos of his children. And my answer in a resounding yes. Yes. use the camera. yes take footage of the children that you so wanted and I so didn't. Yes to celebrating where we are in this moment, me in argentina, he married with babies in the states. yes. Use the camera. Take so much footage of your beautiful life. Yes.

And I am called to send an email to my brother who I have not spoken with in three years to say I apologize, I forgive, I forget and the very essence of that mail ties me up in a few knots and sets me free. And during all of this I yearn for love, for some sweet touch, some arms to hold me close and to know me and whisper to me "i love you. you are so beautiful" and who knows if it will be the arms of this man, or mother earth, or myself. All i know is that I am loved and I will be held in the exact way i need to be which is far beyond what my brain can download and comprehend. Because how could i have created a day of kisses, former husband, family healing, red wine, spanish, italian, nature, cutting menus with child scissors, meeting a kindred spirit from the ukraine, crying to 'Landslide', napping in the sun, fantasies, kissing booth energy. I bow to the divine in her creation. I surrender and continue to live in faith that I am loved, in my wild ways, in my tears, my play, my giddiness, my sorrow, my hope, my yearning, my love of beauty, my wobbliness with this man, with this part of me emerging. So much in a day I must come here to digest and to be honest. Because I am learning there is no other way to be. it is too painful to not reach for my true desires. Too shallow. Too meager. It is so joyous and alive to say yes to all of them. Wobbly or no. I do my best to say yes. To be honest to myself and to you. Because I believe it is this honesty that sets me free. So here is to a day of all of it. All of the beauty of this creation and life, wobbliness and all.

My traveling intentions

Whenever I arrive in a new place, New York, Buenos Aires, Burning Man..wherever I am guided to go. As I arrive in the place I ask for this lands blessings. For the earth, air, fire and water to bless me. For the directions to guide me. For the plants and animals to whisper to me. To meet the people who are in alignment with my energy, who are here to expand me, to bring me love, to meet those I am here to be of service to. To meet them with ease and grace. To find sanctuary in my lodgings. I ask for my brain to relax and be of service to my heart and the divine so I can be guided by that rather than ego or shoulds.

As I nestle up in the corner of this beautiful booth surrounded by tables made of tree trunks in Bariloche I am humbled by what the divine brought to me with such ease and grace.

This morning I arrived in Buenos Aires with no hotel booked.

People I had met these last weeks said stay at Llao Llao which is a more fancy hotel in an epic location that I had Pinterested too. When I checked a few weeks ago they were full. So I put it out to the universe that if it was in my highest good to stay there that it be with ease and if not to guide me to something even better.

Something even better.

This is where the universe gets to work its magic... where the play and fun begin...if i can get my ego and brain to relax. which I can't always do. The way it works is by trusting my body. That when I am purusing hotels on Kayak and my body lights up that is the guidance. That is the yes. And I can still doubt it. After all these years of magic.

Today, I didn't. Today I surrendered and arrived in Buenos Aires with a flight a few hours later to Bariloche that I'd booked a few weeks back- that one piece I knew. It was important to go straight to Bariloche- the lakes district. To be surrounded by mountains and water. To be in nature after 3 months in big cities. My feet are itching to be barefoot on the earth, my system longing to stare at sunsets created by mountains rather than buildings. To recalibrate and center after such a year of transformation, after the solstice, after the epic full moon last night. This I knew.

And so, for three nights, I'm staying at place called Tulquelen which I discovered after booking, means a “resting place." It's on 6 hectares of forested grounds that run into the lake and run by generations of a family. I am the prima (cousin) from California already. I am eating fresh bread baked on site, sipping a malbec in quiet. Very few people, which my system is loving. I just had some fresh greens. I am exactly where I am meant to be. It is not fancy. It has breathtaking views. It is pure heart. It has good energy. It has quiet beauty...something I am coming to appreciate more and more these days..within myself and with others. After a nap and a walk where I found a vista point to see Llao Llao Hotel, the mountains, the lake, the sunset. I felt such peace. Like I'd regained some footing on the earth and within myself that I'd teetered from.

And as I bite into my first Argentinian steak, something this country is known for, in a place with much so heart, and 1/5 the price of Llao Llao which the universe knows I LOVE. I am so damn happy.

And proud.

I flew to another continent, one I have never been too because I believed. Because I've learned to trust. I didn't book a tour which a younger part of me wanted to do to have structure and safety, I didn't follow the crowd, I did it my way...which is perfect for me. This is not the path for everyone and I so honor that, but it is for me and I am at last honoring THAT. And here is where the magic is, the deliciousness, the richness. That beautiful flow of giving and receiving. Of engaging my senses in this incredible world. Smelling roses today, taking in a sunset, savoring bites of fresh bread, being of service, speaking my truth, sharing it with whoever is guided to read this. Of saying Yes.

And that is my part in this orchestration of bringing the feminine back into our world. To be out living it, to be living with heart, emotions, love, flow and surrender and to write about it openly. To speak of coming back to my body, to sacred sex, to sensuality to intuition, to the divine, to oneness, of nature, of communion.

To speak of being guided today to a driveway with a log across it and stepping over the log to discover rows of roses (symbols of Love, Beauty, Isis, the divine feminine) and then to walk to the edge of the hotel...feel done and then turn around and see a statue of Mary with her arms open. These are the things that are happening to me more and more. The signs of pure love. Not dogma. Not scripture. Symbols of love. Symbols of knowing I am on the right path of bringing balance to our world.

The new nun: out living her life with red lipstick, trekking shoes, play, wild, sexy bras, dancing, traveling the world in love, filling herself up with pleasure so she can give more, be nourished, vibrant, alive and be of service in the name of love without the oppression, the grayness, the rules, the shoulds.

Bright. Radiant. Dynamic. Joy. Turned On.

The feminine in alignment with truth, stripped bare of adaptations.

Love. Pure Love.

Having faith and surrendering

Sometimes you wonder why you were guided to fly on Christmas and you have such a rich and full christmas eve with your parents, the last thing you want to do is leave the nest. But you do, because you've learned to have faith and surrender. So you unwrap some presents and then head to the airport, crying intensely as you hug them goodbye, you check in for your flight and then go cry some more in the bathroom because you feel so much love. And this dam that has been around your heart just burst open. And when the TSA people ask you how you are you tell them "weepy, emotional." and then you walk outside and go sit on the lawn, feeling the sun on your face and cry some more...and your heart softens some more. And then you breathe and feel so at peace. so deeply at peace. So you board your flight and sleep for awhile, then you read about the full moon today and it talks about how this moon is a reminder of the transformational power of love and that you can probably expect a good cry and to be extra sensitive.

you type some emails to your parents, thanking them and the tears start flowing again. And it's so much more..it's so about feeling this incredible power of love, of feeling so so loved and cared for. And you mention it to the woman next to you at the end of the flight, who has just watched 'Inside Out' for the first time and she shows you her kleenex from her good cry and how she saw the moon this morning and thought it so beautiful.

And as you stand to meet your tram to the next terminal, the woman next to you is wearing a Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken' t-shirt and you mention it and discover she is from Peru and I tell her I feel like I'm going to be so close to Machu Piccu that even though its the rainy season I'll go...she tells you of pizza places, of a holy rock to touch, of how when you land in Cuzco people talk of feeling such an energetic shift. And I know she's an angel sent to guide me to one of my South American adventures. Thank you Maria. And then you head to the lounge to wait for your flight and are greeted with some hot soup which feels so nourishing. And you feel quiet, not your usual chatty self. Grateful for Rooibos tea and a comfy chair off the corner.

And then you feel the presence of a kind soul next to you so you ask if he is enjoying his soup and he says its yogurt. He saw a girl eating it and he had to have some it. And you start chatting and he mentions his husband in Japan. and you tell him how you love hearing him call him his husband. that this exists in our world. And you learn how they met in the military and he is stationed in Japan for another tour, while yogurt man is now in Georgia to save money for the baby they are going to have in 2017 via a surrogate friend. And you talk of travels, and long distant relationships and how he loves leaving america because every time he does - he feels less stress. That life on the east coast feels too intense. We speak of the need for more touch, more caring, more patience. We speak of the important of intimacy, of sharing the small every day moments. We speak of life, love. He shows me a photo of his man and of his trip to the stunningly beautiful death valley. He gets up to leave and we hug, him wishing me safe travels and its a long hug. A good hug. And you understand why you are traveling today. So you can cry and cry and be still and quiet and still get long hugs and feel your wild heart open even more...

exactly what this day is about. Love. Love. Love. in so many forms.

Yes to pleasure. Yes to love.

I love how my commitment to pleasure, to nourishing my body, heart, mind and spirit lead to such magic.

This morning I made up a grocery list for a german dinner I am pleasurably making my Dad in honor of his time in the military in Germany and because my mom and I traveled there last year and filled up his in box with food porn pictures. Schnitzel, spaetzle, fried potatoes and an apple tart.

Grocery list in hand, my Mom and I first went to get mani/pedis..something we've never done before and I thought would be pleasurable...so we are at the nail place- me getting some glittery red on my toes..Ina Garten, ala the Barefoot Contessa is on tv sharing her adventures of travel in London, which just reminds me how much i love to move through the world taking in the sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and touch. The beauty, the new experiences, meeting new people and being open to that.

I end up sitting across from a mother and daughter as my digits are drying, and mention the schnitzel, the woman across from me? Originally from Hungary so she gives me a bunch of tips. We end up talking about the Dalai Lama, motherhood, sisterhood, sacred sex, travels, reclamation. Her daughter is off the charts amazing: kind, aware, loving, creative. We talk of dating, of ending competitiveness with other women. Of how owning our individual light and turn on is so important- rather than the external that we were so taught to. We talk of my travels- inner and outer. She is so complimentary, she talks of writing a piece on me for the Huff Post (!), we share stories of coming back to nourishing ourselves, to following our pleasure as the thing that truly opens us up to the world. We swap info, hoping to get together for more conversation tomorrow and I want to set her up with a man I met in NYC who lives in San Fran. Pure pleasure and magic.

My mom and I grocery shop, hungry, so I rip open a bag of pop chips to calm our blood sugar down. Pleasure.

I want to buy a higher quality meat so we go to a butcher store and next door is a little taco place so my mom and I, who both love tacos and rarely ever do stuff like this together, pop in and get some little tacos with off the charts delicious, authentic salsas. Pleasure. We get my dad Coca Cola made in Mexico because he prefers those. Pleasure. Tony, a man she needed to talk with about the pool is there, so I get to meet him. We talk about tamales, the holidays. Mom gets to check something off her list while eating a chicken taco. Pleasure.

Now, a hot shower, starting to cook German food for the first time in a few moments probably with some pinot noir and xmas carols, happy, teary as I write this because its all so good. Because I made my pleasure my priority. Because I made my heart matter. Because I dove so deep into the darkness and chose Love again and again and again. Because yesterday, during my solstice ritual. That is what came to me. Every time I was most afraid to do something that was in my deepest, truest pleasure- thinking that somehow I would be unloved, rejected, abandoned, cut out of the family, of community...every time I muscled through and said YES to my pleasure- magic happened. More love. More truth. More beauty. More me. And now this year, this moment feels like the light of it all. This first day after solstice where there is more light coming into the world, feels like there is so much more light in my life already. Because I keep choosing pleasure, love, presence, Because I keep sharing, and writing, and laughing, and creating.

Because I keep loving.

This is all I truly know how to do and when I do it and stay true to it. 
Holy Schniztel life is amazing, easy, powerful, resonant, magical.

Thank you universe for this reminder, that magic happens everywhere: even in a strip mall nail salon in La Quinta, CA.

Yes to pleasure. Yes to Love.

Goodbye (for now) NY

When you start the day with setting your hair on fire you know its going to be interesting!

Today I left NYC for a few days in Palm Springs with Mom and Dad and then flying to Argentina on Christmas Day. I was packing up my hotel room, which was so lovely and good and kind to me. Lit my morning ritual candle and then went about packing up. leaned over to open a drawer, hear a little sizzle, smell a little burning lift my head, pop up and

in the reflection of the tv I see my hair on fire!!!

I patted it out with my hand, flew to the bathroom sink to put out any remaining flames and then conditioned my hair while continuing to pack and be guided on what to leave in NYC and what to take with for this next leg of my adventure.

I hugged hotel staff members goodbye, handing out more Theo's chocolate bars and bringing some with me, which were given to a subway work crew and a friend I met up at the Holiday Market at Central Park. I got to the market and was starving so my friend and I enjoyed sharing tater tots with bonito flakes and aioli, a bratwurst with sauerkraut, and 3 different types of tacos (think lemongrass chicken) So good. so Fun. I did some quick holiday shopping loving supporting smaller businesses, and my favorite a shelter for domestic violence victims who make ornaments/kids toys to learn a trade. They were beautiful and it felt awesome to support them and other craftspeople brave enough to follow their dreams and create rose water sprays, vegan chocolates, jewelry, a hat that has 40 different ways to wear it, some fabulously tacky ornaments too and a woman who makes art out of chopsticks. Awesome.

Make it to JFK with a hour and 15 minutes to spare and the security line is wrapped twice around the check in counters...in a large terminal. By the time I went through it was wrapped around 3 times...needless to say there was stress. tempers were flaring, and these are the moments I know to get in my body, to get in my heart, to send love, to be loving, to use this energy of mine to help alchemize tension and create more love. I danced through the TSA contraption and received a thanks from a worker, offered to save a spot in line for a young man who had just finished finals at Wharton and in reading the Brothers Karamazov for a paper, had done the same security loop line twice, I heard a man yelling at a check in agent and sent love, I joked with a couple where the wife was stressed and told them I was sending them magic to make their flight. I met Dan in line for my flight and he gave me a list of amazing things to do in Buenos Aires. I spoke with my seat mate for hours about her travels, holidays, adjusting back to states after travel.

And then our flight is an hour late and so many of us missed connections. I've learned these are the best moments to surrender, to trust the universe has other plans for me. So I follow my guidance, I ask to be of service. I do a few love capers. I help alchemize some folks who were being rude to Teri, the lovely luggage person helping us out by placing my attention and love on them without engaging in their negativity. I ask them of their travel plans and speak of joy, of beauty of where they are going.

And then knowing my work is done, feeling myself getting tired I receive a lovely thank you from Teri who is going to take care of my luggage which hadn't shown up after an hour and head out to get the shuttle where I meet a fascinating, kind man who is a director and cinematographer. He was just working on a documentary about Rhino poaching in South Africa. We share travels stories having both spend time in and loving Zion. He is shooting in Salt Lake and I mention fun adventures in the grand canyon and Sedona. We talk of being nomads, of the beauty of nature, of adventures done and desired adventures. We talk of hiking together someday, not sure if will happen but feeling as if in this moment I've met a kindred spirit that helped rekindle my flame after a bumpy week in NYC. a reminder that nature heals and captivates, that sleeping under the stars is its own brand of personal magic, that my soul and body are longing for that after months away. He reminds me of the magic of travel, of surrender, of being in flow: be it NYC, South Africa, hiking the narrows in Zion. And I needed his medicine.

So thank you universe for a day of so many contrasts. Of fire. Delicious food. Beauty. Laughter. Hugs. Sisterhood. Safe travels. Giving and receiving. Holiday Carols. Sunshine. Shared stories. Dried Mango. Being told by one of the hotel staff/new friend that I will always be in NY because I will be in his heart. Feeling like there is another place to call home. Adundance. Love Capers. Chocolate samples. Tater Tots with bonito flakes and aioli at the taco stand. toothpaste and toothbrush. Water. Being curled up in a bed at the Doubletree in Tempe to sleep before catching my flight tomorrow morning.

Here's to magic. Here's to flow. Here's to peace on earth and good will towards each other.