There is a very big difference, I've learned in this magic art of tidying up process, between destroying the past and honoring it. There is a way to release the report cards, the journals, the art work, the creative writing that honors it. That thanks my 7 year-old for her creativity, her expression and we keep a few pieces of art, of writing- rather than destroy all of it. We keep a few to cherish that time, that energy, her goodness, her love, her creativity . I realize that in my haste to leave Seattle I took a more destructive element towards a few things. I honored my ancestors while packing up my grandma’s china for storage. I honored and thanked my parents while saving the letters they've written me, my former husband, dear friends whose letters I sent to them for their enjoyment.
The person I forgot to honor was me.
I forgot to appreciate my blow-through the straw art from 1st grade. I forgot to read the poems. I forgot to take in who I was at the time I was writing that report on Austria. I forgot to take the time to look at those pictures of me when I was 5,6,7,8 and look in those eyes and connect and say thank you for being you. For being so loving, so good, so kind, so special. So YOU. And of course you are coming with me. I wouldn’t take this next step without your precious spirit as part of it. You won’t be driving the bus anymore, but you will be on it. So the other night I honored myself. I took some time to look at those freckles, those amber eyes, those smiles with lost teeth, with no teeth, with Dorothy Hamill hair, with self-cut crooked bangs, with adorableness and love. And I cried sweet tears for the spirit of goodness that I saw in these pictures.
All that this girl did and created was in service of and for love.
This girl knows how to love big, without hesitation. She knows how to draw outside the lines, laugh and giggle. She knows how to hug. She knows how to hold a friends hand. How to make fun Halloween costumes. She knows how to play. She has a wisdom, a depth and beauty to her and it would abide me to slow down, tune in and honor her.
There is nothing I regret releasing. I just wish with those things from that younger time I had been more honoring of the girl who created it while I did it. Celebrated her and her creations more. Math Champion? AWESOME! (and we know how you felt about Math!) This report on Coatis? Love the drawing! This finger painting, so fun!
Because she is so worth some time and love after all the love she gave me and the world. I mean look at her! Hello. Yes to this sweetness and love!