Sometimes....

Sometimes you think you are going to be gone from a place in late September and you find yourself 4 weeks later typing away from your apartment, which feels like a new apartment because it is so empty and yet so full at the same time. And sometimes you think you will be leaving tomorrow because it is November 1st and your lease is up and you get a call saying you can stay a bit longer if you need. So instead of rushing through a day trying to get everything done you get to do it with ease and grace. You get to do another run through of your clothes and release more, you get to talk with a sacred friend who stops by to help you instead of rushing through that visit, you get to clink waterford glasses with a wee bit of whiskey to celebrate friendship and love, you get to cry in front of other friends who encircle you in a warm embrace and remind you how brave you are and how loved. You get to gift books, clothes, pillowcases, jewelry to friends instead of dropping them off at goodwill and so you get to see them on your friends and feel like you are playing dress up, you get to hear about your friends new ideas and creations because you aren't rushing to get everything done. You speak openly about being survivors and how part of the collective pattern we are shifting is in speaking out, speaking our truth and what a gift that is to each of us- to release the burden, pain and heaviness of carrying it all and a gift to others to know they are not alone, you speak how you thought you were taking care of yourself first but really you were still putting others first and how that is a pattern too and it takes practice and courage to change long entrenched patterns. You speak of complete forgiveness and understanding and a desire to speak up simply to break the silence so we can collectively share the experience, own it and heal together and shift it. You move boxes that have been in your kitchen nook to a storage unit so there is even less in this divine apartment and it finally feels a bit spacious and not so cluttered.

And you dance a few songs, cry a few tears, smile a big smile as Nina Simone sings her soul. You honor that you did your best to heal, that your timing is divine. And at 5pm you throw on some red lipstick, a black corset over a blank turtleneck and leather tights, and deem yourself a super hero of sorts as a halloween costume and you get to spend the night trick-or-treating with Toothless and Hiccup from How to Train a Dragon, you get to delight in halloween karaoke, you get to receive a glass of wine from a friend, a meal cooked for you, and you have conversations about the rise of the feminine, about honoring our sacred wisdom in corporate america! (as in speakers coming in and talking about this in corporate America). About how when women get used to hearing 'No" and we stop crumbling and stand in our knowing, we truly reclaim our power, our truth, our sacred knowing and THAT is when the change happens. That is when balance is restored. When a mother says no to a playdate because her body restricts. When she asks for a raise at work. When we take a day off because we get our moon flow (aka period but what the hell is that?) and our bodies need a day to rest. When we don't overwork and over give in anticipation of the parade that will be thrown for us some day in honor of how much we have given. And realizing there is no parade, only the parade we throw ourselves. And you realize that this change is happening because these books are being published by the Global Ambassador for Women who works for Obama and she is talking about energy. and she is talking about intuition, and she is talking about the feminine.

And this makes your heart happy and your spirit soar as this awakening is truly happening. And not only that, but you have done your work, this intense, hard as shit, scary as hell work, you have recommitted again and again to coming back to you body, your knowing, your truth that made you feel crazy, alone and oh so wrong at times. Then Toothless shares some halloween candy with you, even offering you the full size bag! And then Theo's chocolate is brought in! Giggles are shared over Ellen Degeneres Haunted House video and you return home, light some candles, drink some newly gifted cider tea and settle into this sweet life, this sweet bed still in the middle of a former living room with so much more space and filling more filled up than ever before.

 

 My former living room. Now my writing area, bedroom, living room, yoga and dance studio.. 

My former living room. Now my writing area, bedroom, living room, yoga and dance studio..