Oh garlic how i love you…and how you keep me up all night with your crazy dreams and tossing and turning. I wake up exhausted, head throbbing feeling like I drank a bottle of red wine in 15 minutes.
I’ve known about my garlic dreams for years now and am very conscious of making sure to avoid dishes with that flavorful beast lurking inside. Yesterday I fell back into a good girl behavior and ate a salad with garlic, knowingly. UGG. I ate a few bites and then asked the chef and he said ‘no garlic’ my body knew, my taste buds knew and yet I ate away- not wanting to be uncomfortable in asserting I knew there was garlic. Not wanting to make them uncomfortable, but really it was about me being uncomfortable asserting my intuition and my knowing and standing for myself. And so I lose a good nights sleep. I feel cranky, worn down and frustrated that in that moment I didn’t trust myself and say, 'I'd like something else.' Seemingly benign words, loaded with a lifetime of good girl adaption. Wouldn't want to rock the boat at a restaurant in Montreal where they will never see me again. God forbid! A microcosm of my life- these little moments where I give away my power, choosing to avoid ‘conflict’ and uncomfortable sensations rather than stand for my pleasure, for feeling good, for taking care of myself first.
This is a pattern I’ve repeated for so much of my life small to big moments way beyond garlic salads: yes to nights out when my body wanted to stay in, buying clothes that weren't a hell yes, not asking for raises, not quitting jobs, getting married, leaving friendships. Having a deep knowing that something was off, that this wasn't the best thing for me, that "this salad has garlic, I can taste it and feel it" My body told me not to and my brain and I over road it.
Not honoring myself, not trusting myself, wanting to be polite and nice rather than being uncomfortable or making someone else uncomfortable - it's led to some doozies. Being at parties I didn't want to attend, saying yes to volunteer jobs I didn't have time for or the desire to do, vacations, dates, spending time with people I didn't feel great around. And let's get real. There are consequences, far worse that a bad nights sleep: lost time, life force energy, money feeling worn down, resentful and simply this novel idea for me, 'this doesn't feel good.'
LIFE GETS TO FEEL GOOD.
We don't have to adapt to feeling bad, disrespected, unloved, uninspired, and disconnected. Many of us have.
We have more choices than we imagine and allow.
So Good Girl let’s quit being nice. Let’s quit giving up our pleasure. Let’s quit making it so easy for others and so hard on ourselves. Let’s honor our own hearts, bodies and minds first then put the oxygen mask on others. And if they keep tearing the oxygen mask off or shoving it back in your face...drop it and let them figure it out for themselves. We don't have to save everybody. We can't.
So here's to daring to be uncomfortable as I press this edge of mine, of asking for what I need and when it's not met, not just rolling over, 'oh well, at least I asked!' No, ask again. Send the salad back.
Here's to us honoring ourselves, our needs, our hearts and being brave to ask ourselves, others, the universe what we need and want. Because when we do this it leads to more pleasure, respect, truth and joy for all and most importantly, ourselves.
Now, where's that garlic-free salad?
What are your garlic salads? Where have you adapted to feeling bad? Where can you stand for your pleasure and speak your needs? I'm here for you, cheering you on, loving you up.