Tonight I went to Volunteer Park to say thank you. Thank for you the dahlia's, for a place to dance in nature so close to my home, to read a book, thank you for the sunshine, the naps, the trees, the swing set, the picnics...I put Spotify on shuffle play and danced my gratitudes. The last song that came up is the new version of Higher Love. And that is what nature has become for me. The Higher Love i was looking for. Volunteer Park was a place I could be in that Higher Love when I so needed it.
As I was walking home I lost my house key...I was able to get in easily because I had left my back door unlocked, which I don't think has ever happened in 6 years of living here. I didn't think too much about it as I had a full night of packing ahead...and then it came to me that tonight, while not the last night in my apartment, is the last night it will feel whole. Tomorrow furniture will be sold, art will come down from the walls and be packed up, my altars will be lovingly wrapped in paper. So I lit some candles and started walking through my apartment doing gratitudes. I believe everything is energy and for 6 years this apartment has been my sanctuary, mother, father, therapist, lover, best friend and it's offered me unconditional love. It has seen me in my darkest moments and held space for me to go deeper. It has seen me in my boundless joy and only wanted more for me. It has offered uncompromising beauty, safety and welcome. Never asking me to be different than I was in that moment. Whether it was throwing eggs against the wall, dancing in the living room, making gluten free treats at 3am, sobbing in my bed, singing off key, watching Pride and Prejudice for the 127th time...only love and acceptance.
I walked from room to room, tears falling, my heart so full of profound appreciation for this space and knowing that no matter where I was in the world these last few years, I had this place of beauty and safety and home waiting for me. It is a bit scary to leave such a sacred, safe space and yet I know it is time to fly, to spread my wings and see what else the world has for me. I have become the safe space, the world is now my beautiful sanctuary. I will miss you #11. Thank you being there for me in every moment. For having my back, for your beauty, your warmth, your kitschy 1960's faux fireplace, your curves, your plaster, the pink bathroom, my bathtub, kickass storage, incredible views, natural light, built in altars, so much charm, beauty and Love.