So much magic as I surrender and explore NYC. As I do my best to be present in each moment and let life unfold, to allow the new to come with all the space created in releasing the old. To shift and change and surrender and be in gratitude and attempted grace. One of my biggest changes is writing about my reclamation of my turn on and diving into this concept of sacred sex that's been swirling about me for years but that I wasn't ready to really welcome in/discuss/shift. It made me uncomfortable. I had fear that in doing this, in claiming and discussing my sexual power, in discussing this aspect of my journey as a woman, a human, that I would be shunned, excommunicated, Facebook unfriended, judged.
And I'm moving through this, honoring the call to write and share about something that impacts so many of us. I've been diving in to what is sex? What is sacred? Where did my fear of it come from? Why did my body clench at the thought of it. Why did my heart clench at the thought of it? And I'm remembering that sex isn't intercourse, there is so much more to it. I am undoing the layers of what I was taught by our culture and reclaiming sex for me. Making up my own beliefs, my own 'rules.'
A little backstory. This year my gifts to Burning Man were hugs, kisses and appreciating men. And so the universe brought me to the Kissing Booth to volunteer for a few hours. In a literal booth, given a megaphone (hello can you say heaven?) Kissees were given a menu of options to choose from on said booth. Passionate. Loving. Playful. Grandmotherly. Creepy. Angry. Tantric. With sides available. A nuzzle, a nibble, a fondle, a spank. I decided that as the kisser I would choose where this kiss happened. Which was incredibly powerful for me to take back my power in this situation. I was guided where to kiss people. And so I kissed foreheads with great tenderness, caressed ears with gentleness, bit lower lips with heat, shoved someone away as part of the angry kiss, I nuzzled necks, nibbled them too. And with each interaction I would hold the person's gaze and connect with them. I would get us breathing together. Feeling each other and then I would start the kiss. I loved this. I loved this way of interacting. I loved caressing arms, leaning into a person's embrace (because yes, some women came up to the booth too). I loved feeling their bodies relax, seeing their smiles, feeling their hearts open- especially after the Loving kisses, where I would spend a minute or two just caressing their face with my hands. It didn't matter what age, gender, or look they had. When we held our eyes- all of that melted away.
I felt the sacredness in each interaction. I felt our hearts and our souls and our body communing in a powerful way without words. And in a moment there was connection, then we moved on. It wasn't slutty or shameful. It was divine. It was sacred. It was communion.
And that was September and the memory of those kisses and that energy had faded amidst leaving Seattle, amongst a missed connection with a man in Toronto. And then on Saturday night I was guided to walk through the Christmas Booth's at Union Square and came across a booth full of Buddhas from Bali. And as I walk into the booth, the man working there is stepping up on a bench and almost falls. We share a laugh, we start talking- discovering we are both Burners, that we both love Bali. I start telling him about the kissing booth and mid story, he stops me and says "Do you want to kiss me?" "oh, No, no." I felt flustered, got a bit ungrounded, talked some more, and then said "yes, I would like to kiss you." It was a very sweet kiss, not passionate, just two sets of lips meeting for a few brief seconds, twice. And then we hugged. And I felt his arms around me. And I melted. With all the change, all the moving, the shifting, the releasing, I needed a hug from this beautiful man with such strong arms, with such a pure heart. Nuzzling his neck, breathing him in, feeling safe, receiving the gifts of his embrace. Needing it more than I knew. It moved me. It delighted me. It turned me on. And so I stayed there awhile.
And I remembered.
This feels good. This isn't something to push away, or fear, or deny I want. This is true and deep and possible. That we are one and being one means touch. Means leaning into one another, means smelling, caressing and kissing. It means letting the walls fall down and welcoming in the essence of another into your space. And knowing I'm safe. This time I get to be safe. I get to be held. It gets to be sacred. Elevated. Divine. And I get to decide what that is for me.
You get to decide what that is for you.
Such gratitude for the divine, for the reminder, for this beautiful spirit coming into my life. So grateful to have been held when I needed it. To have been brave and true and awkward and human. Grateful to be taking this kissing booth energy out into the world. To reclaim this essence for myself. To reclaim this essence for the world. That it matters, that its easy, rich and beautiful. So grateful to live in a time where I can experience it, write about it, delight in it, research it. So damn grateful.
Thank you universe. Thank you kissing booth energy. Thank you.