One of the most fascinating parts of this "What do I want to keep Process. What sparks joy?" is going through everything and seeing what it brings up. What's still undone. What needs some time and attention. Some love. Some Healing. Some space.
And as I go through these steps I realize I become complete with more items. Books from a certain time. Report cards. A sweater. A piece of jewelry.
These items represent places in me that still needed some loving up before I leave Seattle. So I slowed down my process, got in flow with the universe's plan and keep cycling through so I can close any energy loops before I leave. Sovereign. Wild. Embodied. Who I am and who I am Only. Composting the old, the adaptations, the emotions here in Seattle.
The last few days have been full of that! (see previous posts on tender heartedness). There was one yearbook I kept from my sophomore year of high school. It was in the recycling bin and I was called to go get it out. I knew there was something from that time in my life that needed healing. And that was yesterday- that 16 year old girl/woman who needed to know her wild heart was precious. That it was okay to like boys, to like hot tub jets, to feel turned on in her body. That there was no shame in this. In facts its one of the most sacred parts of being alive. That she doesn't need to be the friend or take care of everyone to be loved. And that her being loved, her feeling good in relationships is so important. It's crucial. And not only that she gets to be valued, worshipped, adored! She gets to be a woman with an appetite in all parts of her life. She gets to have curves, desires. She gets to receive attention and have boundaries. She gets to be powerful and vulnerable. She needed some time to sort those pieces out.
And today? Well when I held that yearbook, it was time to go. Which was such a celebration! healing up stuff with men, with my body, my turn on, my heart. YES YES YES. So I threw on some red lipstick and went for a drive. I ended up at one of my favorite spots on Lake Washington, took my shoes off and walked down the grass to the lake, put my feet in the water and moved my body, letting all that stuck emotion move. And there was a man there, swimming naked. And as I moved my body I felt its longing to be in the water, my mermaid wanting to get her groove on. And so I did. I stripped down to my underwear and went into that Lake, which while that first mermaid dive took my breath away, was not so freezingly cold. I kept swimming. And then Mt Rainier came into view. WHAT??? So here I am swimming in Lake Washington on October 8th, taking in the view of Mt Rainier and I couldn't be happier.
This is what I keep. Being alive in my body in joyous, wild ways amongst the insane beauty of Seattle. Giggling, mermaid swimming joy that I can take with me and tap into at any moment. It's not stuck in a box. It's alive in me. In my precious wild body that has simply been wanting to be let out of the box and out into the world.