Our broken hearts guide us home

After I said the prayer I wrote about last week, after I admitted my heart was broken into a million pieces and completely surrendered, miraculous things started happening.  

I realized that just because my heart was broken, which is no small thing, it didn’t mean I was broken. 

And being able to distinguish between those two, pulling those two things apart and holding them separately changed my life.

 I am Whole

You are Whole

I kept thinking I was broken.  That I was wrong.  And all the while it was my heart saying, 'I need love and compassion. I hurt.  Please take care of me. I matter.'

The very thing I hated most about myself, resisted the most: my tender broken heart that I felt kept my life so small that I judged, shamed, sobbed over, hated…yes hated with a vengeance and a rage I couldn’t fathom…well, it is in fact the very thing that guided me to the most extraordinary, miraculous, love filled life. 

Without my broken heart I wouldn’t be me.  I wouldn’t be able to hold space for others. Without my broken heart I wouldn’t be writing this, I wouldn’t know another's pain is my pain, I wouldn’t have such deep gratitude for joy, for flowers, for the sun on my face. I wouldn’t weep in movies, hug my friends longer, bake for my friends to share sweetness, make eye contact and smile at strangers.  Without my broken heart I wouldn't have created love capers, I wouldn’t have spent years working at non-profits instilling courage in young girls.  My broken heart took me all over the world to heal, to find pieces of it in remote places, under waterfalls in Hawaii, atop mountain peaks in Nepal, rivers in Maine, on the beach in California, a trattoria in Florence, my couch in Seattle, St. Patrick's in New York City, amongst the trees in Montana. My broken heart led to me finally sobbing in front of my mom last year and showing her all the pain I had carried in my sweet body and soul. My broken heart led to calling a friend over to hold me, to step away from technology for away to connect to the knowing within me rather than the noise of our world. 

Our broken hearts guide us home.

Home to the pieces we lose as we grow up in a culture that doesn't necessarily value emotions, sweetness and vulnerability.  In systems that don't know how to create, honor and sustain these vital pieces.  The most precious, magical, superpower parts of me were ready to be expressed and thrive and I kept kicking them in the face, wanting them to disappear and get out of the way of me being an executive at NBC, making lots of money, having access and power, a kickin' wardrobe, hot body and a man at my side and a blackberry in my hand.  I felt that my tenderness, my sensitivity, compassion, empathy, intuition, curves, radiance were getting in the way of me fitting in, of being loved and living the life I thought I was supposed to be living.  

When in truth, these incredible parts of me were knocking on my heart so I would wise up and pay attention to the magic inside me that was for more valuable and needed in the world than me working at NBC and having a witty few lines of success in my college alumni newsletter.  I needed to fall in love with these parts of me, own them, value them so I could show up in my truth and step into MY life, my soul, my joy, my superpowers, my fun, my pleasure and be ME.   A me that is so needed in the world to spread love, play, wisdom and compassion wherever I go.  A me who is brave enough to step off the path laid out before me (again and again) and share my experience, my journey, my truth with you; so you can see and feel it in the world. So you know you are not alone and there is love for you on your journey home.  

Because we need your wild heart to be in this world. We need your wild. 

We need your superpowers, your own personal brand of magic to infuse this culture.  We need your words, your hugs, your love, your dancing, your joy, your radiance. We need you. 

Our broken hearts guide us home. 

Tap into your heart- where does it feel broken? Where does it need your love and compassion? How can you feed and honor you beautiful, perfect heart today? Where does it want to take you?