How are you doing? Are you noticing the swirling energy of change that's in the air? I keep getting calls from friends asking me what's up, sharing that they've been feeling really cranky, angry and weepy lately. Me too. This is a time for the old to come up and out- so if you can sit with being uncomfortable for awhile while these emotions come up and out, then you are freeing up space in your life for more of the joy, pleasure and love that's awaiting us. In total transparency, I've been screaming in pillows, throwing temper tantrums on my bed, sobbing, and getting misty eyed while watching Parks and Recreation.
It's a time of great change, and when that happens I can get uncomfortable and reach for chocolate, tv and a glass of red wine. I've spent a lot of time trying to get my life into homeostasis and in a nice comfort zone...which is...fine and yet it doesn't always feel very vital, vibrant or engaged. So I've been doing my best to walk away from the chocolate, tv and red wine and just sit with what's coming up and why it makes me so uncomfortable.
I've never been that great at sharing how I'm feeling in the moment, with myself or others. I was excellent (think Olympic Gold Medalist excellence, Meryl Streep excellence) at keeping my good girl smile on and would then sob in private, eat ice cream, and have all the conversations I needed to be having with others in my head. Then five years later talk with the person about how I felt (and because I hadn't talked about it or felt it, those feelings felt very present, even magnified 5 year later). Not very productive. Nothing was dealt with, just shoved down. And while in the moment that might have felt safer or quite honestly all I knew had to do at the time, it didn't do anything to create more intimacy, trust and love with myself, or my community.
I've been learning to be more present to my emotions, to the sensations in my body and when I find myself reaching for my iPhone to type in people.com, I stop and ask, "what am I not wanting to feel? why?" There are a myriad of answers that pop up in my brain and I do my best to bypass that chatter, breathe and let that sensation, that energy (emotions are energy in motion) out through tears, words, writing, screams, singing, dancing, walking, hitting a pillow...ways that are safe to myself and others and most importantly...honest.
So in these next few days, the support I offer you is this. Sit with what wants to come up and out. Don't get caught up in the story of it. Be gentle and loving towards yourself. Scream in your car, call a friend and sob, do some free form writing and burn it. Take a walk and let nature work its magic.If you need more support, I'm here for you.
Love yourself up and reclaim your wild heart---all it wants is to be seen and loved and let out of its cage.