I was at the acupuncturist yesterday and she looked at me and said "quit pretending, quit being the good girl." And this was without me saying a word.
Those are some big words and a big mission. Quit wearing masks, quit playing nice. Quit pretending I'm happy when I'm not, or my heart isn't broken when it is. Quit pretending I don't want more, more pleasure, more laughter, more delicious invitations for play, more sunshine.
Quit pretending I like working by myself, cooking for one, and the new season of the Voice.
Last night I sat down and wrote out all the areas of my life where there is pretense, where I am settling for so much less that I desire or am worthy of. My love life, romance, work, vibrant health, relationships, connection, intimacy, joy, dance...where am I settling merely because it's better than it was before, its better than yesterday. Thank you and, I want more. SO MUCH MORE.
I want to dance in the park, have a man bring me flowers, have someone else change my windshield wipers, figure out my ecommerce fulfillment options, and take my car to the shop. I want invitations to outings where I can wear my fancy dresses. I want a massage once a week - even typing that makes me squirm a bit but it's true!! I want to live somewhere with more sunshine and where I can walk everywhere. I want to go to Morocco, take cooking classes and sleep in the desert. I want to hike the Alps and walk through the countryside of Ireland. I want to be an extra in the next Hunger Games movie. I want to meet someone who owns a cupcake shop in Denmark and go work there for a week. I want to feel grace and peace. I want to hear the words, "I'm sorry I hurt you." I want my heart rocked by great love, my body caressed, words of adoration whispered in my ear.
Oh the list goes on...I'll keep sharing with you as it comes to me, because this has opened a door that I am so delighted to walk through. In the meantime...
Where are you pretending- with yourself and others? What do you want? What is your soul, your body, your heart craving? What truth do you need to tell yourself and then tell someone else? Speak it out loud. Own it. It's yours for a reason and denying it, pretending yourself around it won't change it.
Seeing you, loving you and cheering us all on as we drop our pretense, our masks, get uncomfortable for awhile, and then some more as we walk in this world with our truth, our desires, our hearts out there for all to see. And that's how we change the world and get our desires met.