Let your wild be your guide

Reclaiming your wild is about trusting yourself, your instincts. We get all these delicious signs, hints, nudges and what we are learning to do is listen. To trust. To act. And when we do this our lives open up in magical ways. I’ve learned to trust when to buy a one way ticket, when to have a roommate, when not to. When to eat a hamburger to help my body ground and when to juice for a few weeks. When to say yes to an invitation and when to say no. When to spend Thanksgiving by myself and when to be at a table surrounded by friends. When to stay in on a rainy night with a movie, or to sit in silence surrounded by candles and when to throw on a jacket and walk in the rain. Each moment is different. Listen and trust. There have been sunny summer days where I stayed inside all day (and a sunny summer day in Seattle is not a given) but I honored what my body and soul truly needed on that day.

This is where my freedom is: in trusting my own intuition and body over anything our culture taught me, anything from my family, from a book, a guru. 

This is the sweet spot of reclaiming our wild. 

Spend some time tuning into your intuition. Walk the aisles of a grocery store- forgetting everything you’ve read about nutrition/dieting (if you have) and see what your body says “YES!” to, lights up over. Forget your mind for a moment and trust yourself. I can’t tell you the number of times my body lit up over something which I then vetoed with my mind…and when I got home it was what I truly wanted and needed. I would have nourished myself in a much more profound way if I’d listened. 

And I do this when I'm in Seattle too.  I step out my front door and just go with no attachment, no plans. I've ended up bumping into friends and sharing meal, then walking to a farmer's market, coming home and baking. Then taking the treats to visit friends and playing with their kids. All I did was listen to keep my day open and walk outside the house and see where my body wanted to go. Then when it was in flow I cleaned my apartment, paid bills, wrote thank you cards. Everything that needs to get done, does. With so much more pleasure, joy and ease. 

Walk out your front door, step off the subway with no plan. See where your body guides you. I’ve had my most incredible travel days/life days when I had no plans and let my body be my guide. One day in Florence, Italy I followed it to a leather store where the clerk was a Seattle woman working there while going to culinary school. She gave me a restaurant recommendation which felt good and led meeting the owner and then sharing a table and dinner with a wonderfully kind and interesting American man there on business. He then snuck us into a museum after hours and we finished the night off with a gelato. I could never have imagined that or set out that day that ‘plan’. 

So put away the guidebooks, the to-do lists, start saying no to things that don’t light you up and see what starts coming into your life. Reclaim your intuition, your pleasure.  Listen, trust and see what magic and freedom unfolds for you. It’s so so good.

Let your wild be your guide.

                                                     Finding a dairy free chocolate sorbet- thank you intuition!

                                      Following my wild on bike in Amsterdam...a little tricky at times but the joy!


Own it, own all of it.

I’m in the midst of writing a book…which is amazing and cool AND brings up all sorts of sadness and grief for all the little pieces of paper I find with gems of wisdom (we are talking about two large plastic tubs of notebooks, napkins, hotel stationary, torn pieces of 2x2 paper, receipts) for the unpublished blog posts, for all the living that happened that I didn’t think was worth sharing or helpful, or important to myself or others. 

When it so was. 

All these insights were steps, moments that helped me reclaim pieces of myself. They provided clues and answers as to why I felt so disconnected, alone, confused, broken and wrong. 

And now I see how all these pieces of papers could have helped others as well if I had realized and trusted what I was going through wasn't such such an anomaly, wasn't so crazy or wrong. That I wasn’t so crazy or wrong. And that in sharing, I wouldn’t have felt so alone, crazy or wrong.  Because I had to be the only lunatic who had so many notes, so many napkins, so many feelings.

Until I found out I wasn’t. 

Until I started meeting others like me with epic personal development book sections, notes, a litany of workshops attended. Seeking, maybe not even knowing what at times. Perhaps personal peace, personal power, self-expression, intimacy, sacred sex, love, mostly love probably. And lately I’ve realized that all those pieces of paper could be helpful to others. That maybe just maybe I have some hard-earned wisdom to share that the world needs that will make the bumpy curvy perfect path I’ve been on be easier for the next person brave enough to follow the calling and yearning of their soul.  

Or at least for them to know they are not alone. 

And in looking at these tubs of paper, in writing these stories, it is helping me digest, reflect and understand the last 7 years, the last 41 years of my life more and more. The magic of it. The blessings. The beauty.

And what’s underneath all of this is trusting and honoring my own wisdom that’s been bubbling to the surface. Trusting it for myself and trusting to share it. I am here to talk about feelings, to talk about my journey home to me, and I had to come to understand its value in the grand scheme of things first. I had to understand I was learning to feel these things, not just to be right with myself, but also because the world is starving for us to feel our feelings. Starving for me to show up with my notes, my heart, my ideas, my wisdom, my hugs, my wide open heart. Starving for us to say no more, to help bring a world that is so out of balance- back into balance. Back into that sweet spot of doing, rational, linear, productive and being, beauty, stillness and emotion. In this place, where all of it is valued.

And honestly, so many of these stories, these nuggets I was scared to share. They took me away from what I knew to be true, had been taught was true and right and good and desired. Who was I to have these experiences? What were these experiences??? And I kept thinking I would come to this moment when I had it all figured out and THEN it would be time to share. Right around the time I finally lost the last 10 pounds. Uh-no. 

I honor the words and moments that were lost by my inaction, fear and self-doubt. I honor this was not only of my doing and my creation and yet it is mine to undo. More than anything else in my lifetime, it is my responsibility to own my knowing, my feelings, who I am and share it. Because if I don’t, that is the disservice, that is the dishonesty, that is perpetuating a culture, a way of living I don’t want to perpetuate or play in anymore.  

And so I delve into the plastic tubs of paper, into my memory and my heart and I trust the deepest and truest words that are mine to share will find their way back through me 

What is yours to share? To own? We need your personal brand of beauty, truth and knowing in the world.

    a small sampling from the tubs of wisdom...

I’m going to be opening up our Reclaim Your Wild Facebook community soon. It’s a private group for those of you desiring more support and more community on your journey.  I've been loving receiving your emails and realize we could use a place to share. You are not alone!

Step-by-step Part 2

This summer a friend called me, panicked as she sat in the Houston airport en-route to a last minute excursion to Costa Rica. I listened while she listed all the fears and anxiety she was experiencing: what if no one speaks english, plane crashing, getting pulled over in customs, being put in prison, the customs line taking 7 hours and having to travel to her hotel at night, not having transportation to said hotel planned yet, experiencing turbulence and the pilots not talking about it, was this even the right thing to be doing, what would she do when she got there, should she rent a car, was she crazy??? 

I listened as her tears emerged and receded, as the pitch of her voice went up and down, as the speed of her words slowed, then picked up and became frenetic then slowed again…moving all that emotion out of her sweet system.   

I loved every word she spoke, in every tone. She was so real and vulnerable and so genius to call and let it out rather than push it down. 

I suggested she take it step-by-step:

  • take some deep breathes
  • feel her feet on the ground 
  • go to the bathroom and cry/get it out
  • buy some nuts and drink some water (she hadn’t eaten all day)
  • sit at the gate and complete your emails
  • get on the plane
  • say hello to the person next to you
  • to the flight attendant
  • fly to costa rica
  • while on the flight- write out gratitudes/desires for your time in Costa Rica
  • exit the plane
  • show your passport and tell them your on vacation for a few weeks
  • get luggage
  • go through customs 
  • head to ATM and get cash
  • exit airport, go back inside if you feel overwhelmed
  • take a cab/shuttle to hotel
  • let the hotel take care of you and suggest tours and handle other details for your travels
  • ask for help
  • Enjoy the magic, the sensuality, the flavors, the sun, the warm ocean, surfing, the sights, of Costa Rica

She breathed, she cried, she bought nuts. No customs imprisonment.  She ended up extending her trip another two weeks and is now planning on going back and living there for a few months (to start). If she had let the freak out deter her she would have missed out on the magic that awaited her. On the next steps, on the unfolding. She was being called to Costa Rica and I love that she listened and how much her life expanded and deepened because she did. And with that is a freak out. With expansion (trusting her guidance to take this trip) comes contraction. What do we do with the contraction? She felt it, owned it, asked for help, cried, danced, got grounded and took it step-by-step. She breathed into and surrendered to the mystery and received more than she could have imagined or created.

At times if we look ahead and what needs to be done, or what we think needs to be done or that is known or unknown we can freak ourselves out.  It can be very overwhelming and all seem very real and scary and yet so much of it isn't even happening. When you get pulled over in customs is the time to think about that, not before. Unless you have contraband, then plan ahead.

So for those of you feeling a call, an expansion: be it a last minute trip to Costa Rica, quitting your job, asking for a raise, going back to school, ending a relationship, moving. I support you in sitting with all that comes up, in witnessing every piece of it and I hope you get on the plane, savor the papaya while the sun warms your body and the ocean laps at your feet. Life is calling you.

It's Berlin, not Costa Rica. I stepped out of my hotel, starving and not in the mood to sit at a restaurant or find a place to eat...I round the corner and a farmer's market is in full swing.  Me, delightfully eating my Turkish Gozleme that I asked them to add some lamb and peppers to. Coulnd not have imagined this!



Step-by-step

In the past 7 years I’ve transformed my life.  Step-by-step. Some forward, some back, some to the west others to the east. Some with bare feet and others with rockin’ heels. Steps toward health, joy, self-love, truth, self expression. Steps in Maine, Italy, Nepal, Cambodia, Montana, Kenya, Hawaii, Montreal, NYC, Seattle. Steps in ghettos, beaches, deserts, mountains, sacred waterfalls. Steps into rivers, oceans, trees, museums, churches, yoga studios, dance halls.  Steps onto elephants, canoes, mopeds, trains, buses, planes. Into tents, cabanas, luxury hotels, hammocks, yurts. Steps into pedicure salons, wellness centers, acupuncture offices, physical therapy, energy workers. Steps into an artist studio where I posed nude to own my body as a work of art. Steps to see a therapist, a friend, mother nature.  Slow meandering steps, frenetic harried ones, dancing, curvy steps, a few mermaid swims.  Some while naked, others with 5 layers on my torso. 

Some days maybe 40 steps in total. From my bed to the kitchen and back: grab a tissue a Kind bar, go to the bathroom.  And that could have a lasted a few days. Steps taken at sunrise, at 3am, down a cobblestone street, the alleys of Venice. Subway stairs, an escalator. surefooted, weary, wary steps. Steps with tears streaming down my face, with my eyes closed feeling the sunshine, with a smile on my mouth and in my heart.

So many steps.

They were almost always steps towards my true self and even the ones that weren't helped me get there. Another step towards loving, trusting myself, expressing myself, a greater sense of peace and personal power. Steps towards spirit and the divine and away from all that I’d come to know as true, that I'd built my life around. These steps were painful, scary, exhilarating, and relieving. For 35 years I had taken steps to build that life and now I was walking away from it? And to where? And for what? I didn't know at the time, I just knew I had to start walking in a different direction.   

What steps can you take towards yourself today? What are you dancing around that needs to shift?  I would love to hear about your steps: in any shape, direction and location. 

Some of my latest steps in Germany. Healing up my ancestral lineage and my relationship with men.


Creating more love and kindness in the world starts with us

October is Domestic Violence Month- a cause near and dear to my body, heart and soul. I think Domestic Violence takes so many forms. It is not always a hit, it is not always a spouse. More often than not it is verbal, it is emotional. It comes from someone who doesn't know how to handle their emotions and spurts them out on you.

Abuse = less than nourishing.

So I ask all of you to think about this. Is there anywhere in my life that I am allowing less than nourishing behavior? work? family? myself? I discovered that at times I was perpetuating less than nourishing behavior towards myself- my thoughts and actions towards my body, my soul, my heart. Diminishing my worth and my beauty.

So take a moment- get quiet and feel your way through this.

Where can you nourish yourself more? 
What relationships need to shift or end?  What truth needs to be told?

How can you help create more love in the world- so there is more gentleness, softness and acceptance? 

Now is the time. No more adapting to rage, abuse, judgment, violence and intolerance within or without.