I just wanna see you be brave...

I was out dance walking in my neighborhood last night. Soaking up the beauty of the flowers and the trees all while wearing a sundress and flip flops past 8pm in Seattle. Which is pretty luscious in itself.  Then DJ Universe cued up Brave by Sara Bareilles and my heart and body opened wide up. I started twirling around, singing out loud and feeling the fire and joy rise up.

"Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave"

I love these moments of inspiration. Moments that take us beyond where we've been before, where we feel more is possible than we thought/felt only seconds before. Where pieces click into place, where I don't care that my voice is rickety and crickety (I'm pretty sure that's a singing term- I'll ask Randy from American Idol).  Where I feel that all I want to be and create in the world is here, is happening and it's really about me being brave enough to go along for the ride. 

Am I brave enough to share what I feel, experience and am awakening to? Am I brave enough to stand in my knowing? My desires?  Am I brave enough to open up my heart? To believe? To surrender?  We'll see. I'm doing my best and on sunny days in Seattle with this music pouring through my system it all seems possible.  

I came home, wrote this blog and then watched the video which is, seriously, about dancing in public!!! I love it. Thank you DJ Universe, keep the music and love coming.

Where do you want to be brave? I'd love to hear about it.

"Brave" by Sara Bareilles and Jack Antonoff

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up

Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave


 

Clank

A friend once told me that if I ever had a cooking show, it should be called ‘Clank’.

Clank because I’m renowned for my ability to drop pans, forks, and ingredients as I cook. Clank because my guests are due to arrive in 30 minutes and I finally read step 7, which says ‘marinate overnight’. Clank because my linens are known to be wrinkled, my wine glasses adorably spotted, and things coming together as the cocktail hour is winding down. Clank: imperfect, messy, noisy.  

I spent years trying to be Martha Stewart, in many parts of my life, and I quit cooking, I stopped having fun, I lost my love of it (it being anything) as I got tied up in the quest for perfectionism.  The need for everything to be neat, tidy, approved of, clean.  The opposite of clank.

Recently, I started cooking again, taking an ingredient and making something up. An inherited trait, as my Mom jokes none of her meals can ever be duplicated because of her improvising.  I love this.  I realize now, clank is where the juice is, the fun, the creativity.  It also means there are meals I create that aren’t so pretty and some that aren’t so delicious and it means I’m having so much more fun.  The journey to creating them was filled with a lot more flow and joy instead of referring to a recipe every 10 seconds. While I can remember the names of all of my 5th grade classmates, looking at a recipe and holding that info in my brain for the 20 seconds it takes to implement escapes me…and it feels stifling.  So un-clank.

I spent so many years trying to be perfect, to be loved, to get it right…I forgot to live. I forgot that life is a shit show and things happen.  Pans are dropped, ingredients forgotten and you can still end up with a pretty amazing meal.  And most times, even better than the original recipe because its all your own and laughs were had along the way.

It’s the moments of dropping a bag of cinnamon that delight me now- the bungles, the whoops, because this is where so much of our humanity is.  When I started traveling I was told the worst moments make the best stories and it’s so true.  Whether it’s the Friday night I made pulled pork for my Catholic friends during Lent (it was delicious and they did take some for the next day), my first attempt at ice cream sandwiches involving brownies on sheets pans and too melted ice cream as guests watched, cardamom instead of coriander, tablespoons instead of teaspoons…this is the beauty of living.

So I’m learning to laugh again, ease my shoulders, learning to love my particular form of Clank in all parts of my life, trusting that all is well and enjoying the imperfection in all of it. What’s your Clank? How can you have more fun and delight with it? Where can you give yourself more space for your humanity to show up?

Clank away!!

*no pans were dropped or damaged during the writing of this blog.

Savoring and Gratitude

To me, beauty is all about savoring the moment; a bite of food, a sip of wine, my 7 year-old goddaughters soccer game where the girls are all chasing the ball and the goalie is inside the goal box so everytime she gets the ball, the other team scores...Beautiful! It's about slowing down to see the beauty in our world and being present to what's happening around us and within us. Farmer's Markets, fall leaves, grey hairs, a good cry, LOST's season finale, Volunteer Park Cafe's Chocolate Chip Toffee cookie.  It's about changing what we believe or what we've been told is ugly or not good enough;  curvy thighs, aging, difference of opinions, brown velour jumpsuits.

And it's about having gratitude for the people who create beauty in our world- parents, architects, artists, farmers, builders, cooks, retail store owners, writers, mother nature...the list is endless. Each day I'll honor someone who I'm grateful for bringing beauty into our world and I'll be sending them a card to say 'thanks' as well. Who would you send a card to today? Or call. Go ahead. Spread beauty in our world...you'll start noticing a difference in how you live your life, how you look at things. Possibilities bubble up, life expands and with that comes more joy, happiness and laughter. It's a pretty fantastic lense to use to walk through the world.