Release of writing

What a beautiful day. Today I released my journals, notebooks from my workshops, all the paper elements of my transformational journey these past few years. And this was so much more challenging to come to peace with then the memorabilia last night. These notebooks feel like my legacy, my proof that my journey matters. The words on those paper feel like my deepest communion with the divine, with my soul. They feel like my most profound wisdom and knowing. My most delicious expression of a truth that I show so few people. My rawness, my wildness, my irreverence, my sacred knowing. And I have kept these notebooks out of a fear, a desire, a hope that in keeping them they would be evidence of the worth of my journey. A book. A guide for others. And yet they started feeling like more of a weight, an anchor, to an old version of myself that doesn't need to be revisited- this new self is ready for freedom, for true wild living. Without having to dive into a notebook to find self love, or self acceptance, or self worth, or someone else's wisdom to guide me. To honor me, to love me. To cheer me on. I am grateful for every teacher, every guide, every communion with my soul that offered solace, direct, comfort, expansion, reverence- that resulted in words on paper for my brain and heart to sort through. I am grateful for every word written on those pages. Some with dried tears on them, some with chocolate stains. Pieces of napkins, hotel paper, bus passes, airline tickets with a jotted note. Holding on so tight to this to somehow believe that this journey- with this evidence in these pages, is proof. Proof that I am worthy of the gift of such a sacred journey of reclamation. I remember what Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in Eat, Pray, Love (ironic I know). That what if this journey is just for her, just for her and no one else. to come back to herself. to live her life. And in this moment. I know the words and energies in those notebooks are ready to be transmuted and alchemized so I can simply BE. So I can create life from this current place. Not from spending time revisiting notes from 4 years ago. So tomorrow I take these notebooks to be shredded, to free myself and this energy. And what is left is LOVE. and I no longer need to carry these notebooks with me, to know they are sitting in tubs in my home to know that I am LOVE and I am LOVED. and that is the most incredible gift I can imagine giving myself. The freedom and wildness of love.