Yesterday was a day full of holding of emotional wild hearted space for people, I was moving through some of my own things, I went to another restorative yoga class where the teacher said some things I so needed to hear. I was still digesting the day and yet was on my way to have dinner with friends. I got there and found myself being irritated by everything! The conversation, the menu, I could feel my feet buzzing. I went to the bathroom and shook my body, silent screamed, letting this energy move through me and started feeling more calm.
I went back to the table and for a few minutes things were good, I chimed into the conversation, ordered a trout starter and thought "whew, moved through that." But after I few minutes I noticed my body was tense, it was turned off, it was not where it wanted to be. I felt it, so after trying to make it work, after noticing my eating felt forced and frenetic rather than calm and joyful I excused myself and left.
Holy Mother of all that is fabulous about trusting and honoring my body! My shoulders immediately relaxed, my energy shifted, the heaviness was there but the forcing was gone. My body was leading me exactly where I needed to go, and I am learning to listen! Celebration!
I came home and took a long epsom salt bath, had a juicy cry and felt so much better. I did some writing, and felt so much better. I listened to some Reiki tunes on Spotify and felt So. Much. Better.
I went to bed at 9:30 and slept until 8am. I'm grateful I didn't order a glass of wine to push through and stay. I'm grateful I tuned in to my body and honored it's needs. That I released what it needed to go, to create more space for the juicy new without judgment. Our bodies are constantly talking to us and it's up to us to learn to listen.
And some of the yoga teacher's wisdom earlier in the day?
"You don't have to do it perfectly, or gracefully...just graciously."
and he quoted a section of Mary Oliver's poem, Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Last night, my body loved candles lit around a bathtub as it soaked, it loved releasing through tears and words, it loved going to bed early and sleeping in. It loved being listened to and honored and loved.