I recently watched the beautiful movie 'A Single Man.' The single man is portrayed by Colin Firth and as he prepares to die, he speaks Spanish with a native speaker and says "I should have used it more."
And it made me think and wonder, if I were to pass in this moment...what do I wish, what should I have used more?
I wish I would have used my voice more. I wish I would have shared more of my musings, my opinions, my perspectives, my emotions, my truth. I wish all those unpublished blog posts from over the years were out in the world. I wish my visions of dinner parties, an 80s prom had come to pass. I wish I would have poured more of my heart out into the world. I wish I had followed that man I passed by in Venice, Italy that made my body sing. He invited me after all. More letters and words of thank you, I appreciate you. I wish I had shared more my true talents, my intuition, and my knowing. I should have used my body more: danced, stretched, hiked, kayaked, napped in parks, swayed, raged, received and given long more hugs and more caresses, more sex, passion and heat. I should have looked more people in the eye, taken deeper breathes, had more gratitude and spent more time in nature. I should have used my boldness and vision more and shared more, shared openly, been delighted by my observations. I should have used my giggle more, my laughter, my whimsy, my creativity. More cartwheels, more camping.
I am hoping I have many days ahead of me to fulfill these wishes and shoulds. So when that day comes, there is no wishing, no should have used more of's left. Rather there is a deep peace of knowing I lived full out. Knowing I didn't hold back. That all my love was expressed, all my wisdom shared, all my creativity birthed into the world. All of my vulnerabilities out there, my dreams created, my desires met. Because I went for it. I lived boldly, took risks and knew I was loved in every moment which made it all the sweeter.
What about you? What do you wish you had used more? I delight in reading your answer.