What sparks joy?

One of the most fascinating parts of this "What do I want to keep Process. What sparks joy?" is going through everything and seeing what it brings up. What's still undone. What needs some time and attention. Some love. Some Healing. Some space.

And as I go through these steps I realize I become complete with more items. Books from a certain time. Report cards. A sweater. A piece of jewelry.

These items represent places in me that still needed some loving up before I leave Seattle. So I slowed down my process, got in flow with the universe's plan and keep cycling through so I can close any energy loops before I leave. Sovereign. Wild. Embodied. Who I am and who I am Only. Composting the old, the adaptations, the emotions here in Seattle.

The last few days have been full of that! (see previous posts on tender heartedness). There was one yearbook I kept from my sophomore year of high school. It was in the recycling bin and I was called to go get it out. I knew there was something from that time in my life that needed healing. And that was yesterday- that 16 year old girl/woman who needed to know her wild heart was precious. That it was okay to like boys, to like hot tub jets, to feel turned on in her body. That there was no shame in this. In facts its one of the most sacred parts of being alive. That she doesn't need to be the friend or take care of everyone to be loved. And that her being loved, her feeling good in relationships is so important. It's crucial. And not only that she gets to be valued, worshipped, adored! She gets to be a woman with an appetite in all parts of her life. She gets to have curves, desires. She gets to receive attention and have boundaries. She gets to be powerful and vulnerable. She needed some time to sort those pieces out.

And today? Well when I held that yearbook, it was time to go. Which was such a celebration! healing up stuff with men, with my body, my turn on, my heart. YES YES YES. So I threw on some red lipstick and went for a drive. I ended up at one of my favorite spots on Lake Washington, took my shoes off and walked down the grass to the lake, put my feet in the water and moved my body, letting all that stuck emotion move. And there was a man there, swimming naked. And as I moved my body I felt its longing to be in the water, my mermaid wanting to get her groove on. And so I did. I stripped down to my underwear and went into that Lake, which while that first mermaid dive took my breath away, was not so freezingly cold. I kept swimming. And then Mt Rainier came into view. WHAT??? So here I am swimming in Lake Washington on October 8th, taking in the view of Mt Rainier and I couldn't be happier.

JOY.

This is what I keep. Being alive in my body in joyous, wild ways amongst the insane beauty of Seattle. Giggling, mermaid swimming joy that I can take with me and tap into at any moment. It's not stuck in a box. It's alive in me. In my precious wild body that has simply been wanting to be let out of the box and out into the world.

Dahlias and my heart

I want to write. there is so much to write. and I am exhausted. what a day. I walked in the rain to Volunteer Park this morning and hung out with the Dahlia's for awhile. My heart feeling tender. And I thought about us humans and our hearts, and I thought about the Dahlia's. And the people who nourish and nuture these stunning flowers so we all get to enjoy them. The love that is lavished on these beauties so every year they blossom and we come to take in their beauty. What if we did this for ourselves? For one another? What if we saw ourselves as worthy of the care and tenderness and attention it takes to grow these dahlias year after year. What nourishment and kindness would we shower each other with? They are all so regal and stunning. Each one different, with its own consciousness, different messages to bring us. To be joyful. To be regal. To expect to be taken care and nourished. That for them it is just what they have come to know. Tears that my heart is being taken care of in the same way, just in a very different way than I expected. Here's to surrender, receiving, the beauty in it all, forgiveness, tenderness and vulnerability.

Like I said. It was a tender hearted day.

"Where there is kindness, there is magic."

Yesterday my heart was very tender. i was doing some deep healing work with a younger part of myself that needed love and healing. Needed permission to have this big wild heart. To love. To reclaim this vastness of love she had. That she closed down. I was guided to watch the new Cinderella movie (i love how the universe picks a movie perfect for the age/themes I am healing up). And as the movie starts and it's talk of the power of kindness. The POWER. the magic that is part of kindness. I am in tears. This part of me that needed this type of hug today. To have this part of me valued, loved and desired. And I love that this is the theme of this movie. It's her heart. Her kindness is her magic. Is her power. It's how she creates beauty in her life and in others. Her passion for nature, for animals. How she keeps showing up in love. How she speaks her heart and that is what is so alluring about her. Her expressing her divinity and truth. And it brought great judgment against her from her Stepmother who had her own issues to work out. And derision from her step-sisters who didn't particularly appreciate kindness and love but preferred parasols and lace and tearing each other down.

"Would who she was, who she really was be enough, there was no magic to help her this time. This is perhaps the greatest risk any of us will ever take. To be seen as we truly are."

It is enough. We are enough. The gifts of our powerful hearts. Our tenderness, our kindness is so needed in the world. And more and more people are coming to appreciate it, desire it and want it for themselves.

Other quotes that hit my tender 16 year-old heart. 'Have courage and be kind' 'They treat me as well as they are able,' 'just because it's done, doesn’t mean it what's should be done." And so understanding creating your own world with the mice, the geese upstairs in your magical attic, singing your song because that makes more sense than the world below. So thank you universe for guiding me to this movie. For helping heal up my 16 year-old heart so I can take this next step in reclaiming the vastness of my heart. The pride in this. My beauty. My power. My gifts.

And I love that during this moment of reclamation and healing, a friend called to tell me he thought I should pitch Love Capers as a tv show. That the world needs to see this type of unconditional love in action. And while I don't know about tv I do believe the world needs to see more joyful love, to experience it amongst family, friends, strangers. So yesterday felt like a day where the universe was saying to me- there is so much power in your heart Kim, go out and use it. Go be you in the world. Get out of the attic. Go sing your song. And I felt like my 16 year-old heard it and felt it and healed. So then I went to REI full of pride and delight in my next steps- to head out into the world as love. I bought new trekking shoes...for these feet need to be protected and cared for too while taking my precious wild heart out into the world to create magic and love.

A sacred summer that created life long shifts...

Hello Everyone. I know it's been awhile. The universe took me offline for the summer and I am just getting back to writing and blogging. I started last week on my Facebook and can't stop and realized now it's time to be showing up here as well. Below is the post I did last night. I will be writing more and more so your inboxes might get a bit full, and then there will be those lulls when I am going deep in my own process. I'm not an every Tuesday kinda gal. Thank you for your patience and love as I do this my way and honor my truth, which I trust is best for every one involved. I hope your summers were full of wild living, so much love, connection and joy. Deep joy.

Much of what I do is around reclamation. Reclamation of all these pieces of me to get back to me. And this summer I dove deep into the world of sacredness. Of reclaiming my sacredness. Honoring my intuition. My sensuality. My strength. I spent a lot of time in nature which was a constant mirror for my sacred self and I learned that I'm SO sacred (as are we all). And that if I do not honor and treat myself as sacred, others will not. Not with their words, their paychecks, their actions. If I do not respect myself enough to say, Stop. Then they won't. They are simply (I say simply but it sure doesn't feel that way at times) a mirror for where I am in valuing and honoring myself.

My role is to understand my sacredness and honor it. To nourish my body, mind and spirit. To create situations, relationships, meals that honor it. And if something doesn't feel sacred I have a choice. To stay or leave. To ask for more money. To send the wilted lettuce back. To set a boundary. To ask for what I need and want.

I get to surround myself in Love.

You do too.

So, I did something which felt very scary today. I asked to be treated with Love. I asked for what I wanted. Simply. Clearly. Treat me with love. With kindness. Let your words be kind. No more disapproving, making me wrong and judgment that makes my heart hurt. I know it isn't personal. I am not angry. I am asking for what I need. And if you find this disapproval coming up please do not share it with me. Not on my Facebook feed. Not on text. Not in person. Tell the sky. The dog. The tree. Do not tell me. I am desiring to be met with LOVE because I am sacred. Because I am following a path that is sacred and there is nothing wrong with that, with me.

A few hours after I said this to the universe and before I sent the email. I heard from a magical man I met at burning man. A man that used the words Divine and Sensual to describe me. A man that honored me, respected me. Treated me with unconditional love. A man that I felt seen and appreciated by because I was at long last loving myself unconditionally and honoring my divinity and sensuality. He was a beautiful, profound, life changing mirror for me.

I love the universe and how it is just waiting for us to ask for more. Waiting for us to show up for ourselves at times. Because as much support as it gives us, there are moments when the next step is ours. The scary one, the one that feels like Indiana Jones stepping into the void. But the stones show up and carry us across with ease what was seemingly a step to our death. Because we are showing faith in where we are being lead. Faith in more. Faith in love. Faith in one another. Faith in that in asking for what we need with respect and kindness we create our lives.

I listened to a lot of music today. On Shuffle. And there were a few songs that looped through several times. 'I'm Free' by the Soup Dragons. 'Happy' by Pharrell (the universe is attempting to boost up my neuroreceptors for joy). Hozier's 'Take me the Church'. But I'll leave you with this one by India Arie because it seems to resonate most with this day of reclaiming my sacred. Of honoring my strength, courage and wisdom.

"Strength, Courage & Wisdom"

Inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun
Behind my eyes there lives a me that I've been hiding for much too long
'Cause I've been, too afraid to let it show
'Cause I'm scared of the judgment that may follow
Always putting off my living for tomorrow
It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my face
It's been elusive for so long, but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith, It's time to show my face
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

[Chorus:]
Strength, courage, and wisdom
And it's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me

Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility
Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice
But I've been, too afraid to make a choice
'Cause I'm scared of the things that I might be missing
Running too fast to stop and listen

It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my face
It's been elusive for so long but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith it's time to show my face
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
I close my eyes and I think of all the things that I want to see
'Cause I know, now that I've opened up my heart I know that
Anything I want can be, so let it be, so let it be:.

Strength, courage, and wisdom
It's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, wisdom
It's been inside of me all along, everyday I'm praying for:

[Chorus]

Vamp
I found it in me, I found it finally
I'm sure to keep it' cause I like it, I say thank you

Reclamation

Much of what I do is around reclamation. Reclamation of all these pieces of me to get back to me. And this summer I dove deep into the world of sacredness. Of reclaiming my sacredness. Honoring my intuition. My sensuality. My strength. I spent a lot of time in nature which was a constant mirror for my sacred self and I learned that I'm SO sacred (as are we all). And that if I do not honor and treat myself as sacred, others will not. Not with their words, their paychecks, their actions. If I do not respect myself enough to say, Stop. Then they won't. They are simply (I say simply but it sure doesn't feel that way at times) a mirror for where I am in valuing and honoring myself.

My role is to understand my sacredness and honor it. To nourish my body, mind and spirit. To create situations, relationships, meals that honor it. And if something doesn't feel sacred I have a choice. To stay or leave. To ask for more money. To send the wilted lettuce back. To set a boundary. To ask for what I need and want.

I get to surround myself in Love.

You do too.

So, I did something which felt very scary today. I asked to be treated with Love. I asked for what I wanted. Simply. Clearly. Treat me with love. With kindness. Let your words be kind. No more disapproving, making me wrong and judgment that makes my heart hurt. I know it isn't personal. I am not angry. I am asking for what I need. And if you find this disapproval coming up please do not share it with me. Not on my Facebook feed. Not on text. Not in person. Tell the sky. The dog. The tree. Do not tell me. I am desiring to be met with LOVE because I am sacred. Because I am following a path that is sacred and there is nothing wrong with that, with me.

A few hours after I said this to the universe and before I sent the email. I heard from a magical man I met at burning man. A man that used the words Divine and Sensual to describe me. A man that honored me, respected me. Treated me with unconditional love. A man that I felt seen and appreciated by because I was at long last loving myself unconditionally and honoring my divinity and sensuality. He was a beautiful, profound, life changing mirror for me.

I love the universe and how it is just waiting for us to ask for more. Waiting for us to show up for ourselves at times. Because as much support as it gives us, there are moments when the next step is ours. The scary one, the one that feels like Indiana Jones stepping into the void. But the stones show up and carry us across with ease what was seemingly a step to our death. Because we are showing faith in where we are being lead. Faith in more. Faith in love. Faith in one another. Faith in that in asking for what we need with respect and kindness we create our lives.

I listened to a lot of music today. On Shuffle. And there were a few songs that looped through several times. 'I'm Free' by the Soup Dragons. 'Happy' by Pharrell (the universe is attempting to boost up my neuroreceptors for joy). Hozier's 'Take me the Church'. But I'll leave you with this one by India Arie because it seems to resonate most with this day of reclaiming my sacred. Of honoring my strength, courage and wisdom.

Love you, Kim

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6P4jI8t-0I

"Strength, Courage & Wisdom"

Inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun
Behind my eyes there lives a me that I've been hiding for much too long
'Cause I've been, too afraid to let it show
'Cause I'm scared of the judgment that may follow
Always putting off my living for tomorrow
It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my face
It's been elusive for so long, but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith, It's time to show my face
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

[Chorus:]
Strength, courage, and wisdom
And it's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me

Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility
Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice
But I've been, too afraid to make a choice
'Cause I'm scared of the things that I might be missing
Running too fast to stop and listen

It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my face
It's been elusive for so long but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith it's time to show my face
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
I close my eyes and I think of all the things that I want to see
'Cause I know, now that I've opened up my heart I know that
Anything I want can be, so let it be, so let it be:.

Strength, courage, and wisdom
It's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, wisdom
It's been inside of me all along, everyday I'm praying for:

[Chorus]

Vamp
I found it in me, I found it finally
I'm sure to keep it' cause I like it, I say thank you