Cleaning house

I saw this pop up on my facebook post the other day and felt it resonate deeply in my body. What I've come to understand is that so much of the healing I've been doing is from very old stuff that I never felt and the old stuff that I didn't feel and the new stuff that I can still push away. So the days I've spent sobbing, going to batting cages to move through anger, going to the sauna to get those toxins out of my body, the days where I thought 'nothing is getting done, I will never meet my man, I will never create my offering to the world, I will forever shame my family, I will never (fill in the blank)'....were actually the very best most powerful things I could be doing for myself.

Taking care of your heart, your body, your soul to clear out the gunk is one of the very best things you can do for yourself.

 I promise. It will bring you more joy, more love, more of you to you.

It clears out the gunk so we can get back to our essence. We clean out the rusty, clogged pipes, get the mold out of the basement, throw open the windows to let in fresh air. We are cleaning our house. Now my PTSD mind wanted to stay in that place at times and that wasn't so healthy. Or I would be so exhausted from the sobbing, I wouldn't go for a stroll around the block and remind myself that I was alive and part of this dynamic planet and there were trees and other people and all was well. So, go deep and then go see a movie, go to a park and watch the people, get on the swing and feel joy.

But please, clean out your house. Take the time to honor your heart, any aches that are signs that something is stuck - it's all emotions that want to be felt, honored, seen and loved up.  Stretch, do yoga, go to the sauna, dance- move this old stuff through your house- your body.  Take some time to write, free form write for 10 minutes- this is you connecting to your soul, giving your soul a voice. What does it want to say to you?  Take some time this weekend to clean our your house, so it feels like your home.

What we do to be loved...and why we need to stop

I have an acupuncturist/healer that I go to. She once told me that everyone who sits across from her really wants to be loved and that it's amazing what people do to be loved. Start corporations when they really want to be a stay at home parent, have affairs when they really want to create a deeply loving, intimate, sexual relationship with a partner, write books when they want to paint, create websites when they'd rather be volunteering, get a Ph.D when they really want to a surf instructor in Sayulita, Mexico, have kids when they really to travel the world solo.  There is so much I have done in the name of love that is not my truth and I've spent the last few years untangling myself from living those lies. Healing up my body, my soul and transforming my life more and more to live my wild truth.

I spent my life thinking that if I created a successful business, was the President of NBC, started a multimillion dollar non-profit that stopped domestic abuse, was famous, was a size 6, had no stretch marks, masked all of my dark and messy emotions, and was perfect that I would be loved and all would be well. That these achievements would bring me love. Being wild is about throwing off these should and judgment shackles, these ideas of what makes us lovable and worthy and instead being in total adoring approval of who we are and living an unbound life. free free free. so check in, what are you doing in hopes of being love? 

STOP.

You are loved. I adore you. I think you are incredible, deliciously perfect and so worthy. Live here in this place of love, create from here and enjoy being in the flow of your wild life trusting that every day things are happening to bring you back home, to more love. 

For me, yesterday it was writing a blog post, then heading out on bike in a massive rainstorm to go get waxed. Where I met Luciana a Brazilian woman, a soul sister. We talked about family, forgiveness, men, dating, saying whatever we wanted, trying to not care what others think about us, we laughed, we hugged and then I was off to deliver a gift to a friend of a friend.  Then to a Chinese doctor who used a jade stone and scraped my back, head and face to help remove all the toxins that have been stored in my body from stress (living in fear of not being loved if I truly show up as myself and ask for what I want and need, to be messy, imperfect, to take up space, not feeling safe being me) and get my energy levels up. To heal up my adrenals and have more energy for the life I truly want to lead.  Back on my bike, past the stunning Rijksmuseum to an organic food store where I bought some coconut water and other goodies to support my organs and body detoxing.

I came home and rested for a bit and felt my body talking to me- this part of me that is so so so tired of proving she is worthy of loving- of all the life force energy I spent being the good girl to be loved. She wants to relax, to giggle, to date, to feel safe in her body, to be held, be seen, to know her feelings and her needs matters. She wants to be profoundly and deeply loved for exactly who she is. So there were sweet tears and release. More toxins leaving my precious body that has carried a weight that is not mine to carry. I am unburdening my load, creating space for more joy and true love. I made a veggie dinner, read a romance novel (I am so over self-help books and all those things that feel like I have to be different than I am to be loved), had an hour call with my coach/mentor/wise woman, posted a bunch of Valentine's love caper ideas on Facebook to get that energy going in the world, took a hot bath and went to bed at 11:30 to take better care of my body (I tend to be a night owl, which stresses out our bodies).  

I didn't solve world hunger, or write a Tony award winning play, or  plant 10 trees to counter-act global warming. I laughed, I cried, I whistled, I smiled,  I connected with people, I took beautiful care of my body, I trusted myself, I read something that turned me on and made me happy.  I nourished myself with beautiful food. I took steps to regain my footing in the world as me. I honored that what I want most in life is a nurturing, love filled relationship with self and others. That I desire to meet my man so I can feel more supported and we can create more magic together than apart and to do that I have to let go of the old.  This was my wild day.

Today will be different.

The thing I can commit to and know is that it was be a day of making choices to love myself, to nourish myself, to be more of me in the world and as I look ahead I sense more changes, more transformation, more time spent in my body rather than my head, more truth telling, more irreverence and joy. Perhaps volunteering at Wanderlust, Oahu or going to a dance retreat in Bali? Creating a reclaim your wild video, using Tinder, moving from Seattle?  It is all unfolding because I have to trust, that in following my pleasure, that in loving myself and stepping away from the rules, from the patriarchal shoulds I am reclaiming my true power, my true purpose, my womanhood, my joy and I love myself too much now to live a lie, to live a life that is not my wild truth. 

getting those toxins outta my precious body - 

               part of reclaiming my wild!

Anne Frank's legacy

“I long to ride a bike, dance, whistle,

look at the world, feel young

and know that I’m free. ”

— Anne Frank, December 24th 1943

I toured the Anne Frank house the other day and was struck by her vitality, her love of life. She wanted to be a writer and change the world even as she spent her days in small rooms with black out shades and the fear of being captured.  And her diary has changed the world.  Her words, her truth, her heart has moved and educated millions all over the world. And she longed for freedom, for the simple pleasures in life: to be outside in fresh air, feel the sun on her face, and to ride her bike.

It’s a reminder that in our freedom we change the world. In following our pleasure, our hearts, our truth…this is truly how we create more love, more spaciousness for one another to show up, more connection, and more freedom. And as I engage in this world I believe this is what we need more than anything- to come together through words and actions of love and joy. Whether it's riding your bike and beaming, whistling a tune, dancing for your bodies pleasure. For Anne Frank, much of her freedom was expressed through her diary, this is where she could be free. My hope is that we are all able to express our essence in the world and truly feel free. To speak our truth, shed our tears, ask for what we want, create glitter wands, write plays, be a loving mom, give long hugs, to shower, drench, roll around in, hula hoop with our love...whatever form our expression of love is in the world. To feel free with it.

As Emma Thompson said in a speech at the Anne Frank House. “I think she would written books, I think she would have helped others, I think she would have loved generously and without prejudice. I think she would have had great courage and I think she would have spoken up for the dispossessed.  And I think she would have tried to storm the  invisible barriers that separate us and keep us in such conflict.

The only thing we have to remember is: all her would-haves are our real possibilities. All her would-haves are our opportunities. And the book's a flame, a torch, we can light our own candles and take them and illuminate our hearts with the incandescence of her spirit.”

How can you be more free? Share more of your wild heart with yourself, your loved ones, the world? What joyful acts of love can you do today? Fill yourself up and share your wild stunning heart with the world.

Be free.

Anne Frank

Everyday Wild

Happy Friday loves

One of the big things I noticed in my life is that I wasn't living wild in my everyday. I would trek in Nepal, go to dance retreats and feel SO ALIVE. Then I would come home and slowly return to the everyday. I forgot to nourish and feed my wild on a daily basis. So I've learned it's the little things, the daily things that truly help me reclaim my wild. Whether it's biking around Amsterdam at night or in the rain- to feel the cold, to see other people, the buildings, the tulips. To be out in the world in more wild ways everyday. Last night I went and saw a movie and brought dark chocolate infused with chili for my movie snack. Wild for this good girl to bring in outside food, I really do love breaking rules to fuel my pleasure.

I remembered that years ago when Julie and Julia came out I went to see it in the theatre and thought- how can I sit through this movie without great food and wine? So I went to Whole Foods and bought what enticed me:  red wine, organic cherry tomatoes and a piece of vegan chocolate cake. I brought my own wine glass and silverware too. I had so much fun thinking about it and doing it. I truly believe these are the every day things that help us feel alive, wild and free. Dancing in the rain, biking over cobblestone streets with no end point in mind, flirting with a man at the Butcher shop, getting an ice cream cone in January, serenading the person next to you in traffic, doing yoga on your lawn, eating breakfast in the park on your way to work, having your partner/roommate feed you fresh organic raspberries, telling your truth and feeling that zing of sensation and spaciousness. Every day we get to be wild, how lucky are we?

I would love to hear how you are being more wild in your everyday life. Share in the comments or join us on the Reclaim your Wild Facebook group.

Here's to a day of wild, alive, free living. 

                 Wild and free as I bike around Amsterdam. Feeling alive, joyful and oh so happy. 

Happy New Year!

Hello Wild Ones.

I've missed you. I've been in Amsterdam, doing a deep, deep dive into some old dark, mucky places so I could be more wild and free. I've been very quiet, with myself and you. I wanted to wish you a happy new year, to send you my love and some beautiful flowers. May you experience more love, more beauty, more joy, more of your desired feelings and experiences than you ever imagined this year. May you feel more self expressed than ever before. May your share your emotions, your wildness with the world. May you continue to reclaim yourself, for yourself. I send you love.

And if you are desiring more support, our Reclaim your Wild Facebook community is up and running. I've been posting brief thoughts, movie and song suggestions, quotes, so we could have more of a discussion in a safer space rather than in this pages comments section which I know isn't comfortable for everybody.  We are all deserving of receiving more support! Please email me if you desire to be part of the group, or go to Facebook and look up reclaim your wild and ask to be added to the group. I want this to be something you desire, rather than me just adding you!

There are other juicy things in store for Reclaim your Wild this year- an inspirational video to show what reclaim your wild looks like (I'll be asking for photo and video submissions), retreats, one day workshops, my book, selling more t-shirts, creating more community and more. I am so excited for this year of self-expression and LOVE. 

love love love to you. May you dance, sob, giggle, feel the sun on your face, smell the snow, give and receive long long hugs and enjoy being wild.