Goodbye (for now) NY

When you start the day with setting your hair on fire you know its going to be interesting!

Today I left NYC for a few days in Palm Springs with Mom and Dad and then flying to Argentina on Christmas Day. I was packing up my hotel room, which was so lovely and good and kind to me. Lit my morning ritual candle and then went about packing up. leaned over to open a drawer, hear a little sizzle, smell a little burning lift my head, pop up and

in the reflection of the tv I see my hair on fire!!!

I patted it out with my hand, flew to the bathroom sink to put out any remaining flames and then conditioned my hair while continuing to pack and be guided on what to leave in NYC and what to take with for this next leg of my adventure.

I hugged hotel staff members goodbye, handing out more Theo's chocolate bars and bringing some with me, which were given to a subway work crew and a friend I met up at the Holiday Market at Central Park. I got to the market and was starving so my friend and I enjoyed sharing tater tots with bonito flakes and aioli, a bratwurst with sauerkraut, and 3 different types of tacos (think lemongrass chicken) So good. so Fun. I did some quick holiday shopping loving supporting smaller businesses, and my favorite a shelter for domestic violence victims who make ornaments/kids toys to learn a trade. They were beautiful and it felt awesome to support them and other craftspeople brave enough to follow their dreams and create rose water sprays, vegan chocolates, jewelry, a hat that has 40 different ways to wear it, some fabulously tacky ornaments too and a woman who makes art out of chopsticks. Awesome.

Make it to JFK with a hour and 15 minutes to spare and the security line is wrapped twice around the check in counters...in a large terminal. By the time I went through it was wrapped around 3 times...needless to say there was stress. tempers were flaring, and these are the moments I know to get in my body, to get in my heart, to send love, to be loving, to use this energy of mine to help alchemize tension and create more love. I danced through the TSA contraption and received a thanks from a worker, offered to save a spot in line for a young man who had just finished finals at Wharton and in reading the Brothers Karamazov for a paper, had done the same security loop line twice, I heard a man yelling at a check in agent and sent love, I joked with a couple where the wife was stressed and told them I was sending them magic to make their flight. I met Dan in line for my flight and he gave me a list of amazing things to do in Buenos Aires. I spoke with my seat mate for hours about her travels, holidays, adjusting back to states after travel.

And then our flight is an hour late and so many of us missed connections. I've learned these are the best moments to surrender, to trust the universe has other plans for me. So I follow my guidance, I ask to be of service. I do a few love capers. I help alchemize some folks who were being rude to Teri, the lovely luggage person helping us out by placing my attention and love on them without engaging in their negativity. I ask them of their travel plans and speak of joy, of beauty of where they are going.

And then knowing my work is done, feeling myself getting tired I receive a lovely thank you from Teri who is going to take care of my luggage which hadn't shown up after an hour and head out to get the shuttle where I meet a fascinating, kind man who is a director and cinematographer. He was just working on a documentary about Rhino poaching in South Africa. We share travels stories having both spend time in and loving Zion. He is shooting in Salt Lake and I mention fun adventures in the grand canyon and Sedona. We talk of being nomads, of the beauty of nature, of adventures done and desired adventures. We talk of hiking together someday, not sure if will happen but feeling as if in this moment I've met a kindred spirit that helped rekindle my flame after a bumpy week in NYC. a reminder that nature heals and captivates, that sleeping under the stars is its own brand of personal magic, that my soul and body are longing for that after months away. He reminds me of the magic of travel, of surrender, of being in flow: be it NYC, South Africa, hiking the narrows in Zion. And I needed his medicine.

So thank you universe for a day of so many contrasts. Of fire. Delicious food. Beauty. Laughter. Hugs. Sisterhood. Safe travels. Giving and receiving. Holiday Carols. Sunshine. Shared stories. Dried Mango. Being told by one of the hotel staff/new friend that I will always be in NY because I will be in his heart. Feeling like there is another place to call home. Adundance. Love Capers. Chocolate samples. Tater Tots with bonito flakes and aioli at the taco stand. toothpaste and toothbrush. Water. Being curled up in a bed at the Doubletree in Tempe to sleep before catching my flight tomorrow morning.

Here's to magic. Here's to flow. Here's to peace on earth and good will towards each other.


Slow down during this busy holiday season

So it's the weekend before Christmas. For those of you who celebrate this day it could be one crazy ass weekend.

My desire for all of us is to slow down.

To choose one thing to do
Oh. 
So. 
So. 
Slowly.

It could be wrapping a present. Walking through a store. Baking cookies. Taking a long bath. Commit to slowing down. Commit to feeling the sensations in your body. In noticing the things around you. Commit to smelling the air. To walking more slowly to your car, to the subway. and see how it feels in your body to slow down. And feel your hips lead the way. Feel them loosen and sway. hmmm, so good.

Slow it down. One thing. Slowly.

It's hard to be connected to our wild when we are frenetically moving through the world

it's hard to take in all that our body is guiding us to if we are going too fast to listen and notice.

So notice if your shoulders are clenched, your belly clenched. Notice if your breathing is shallow. If all the energy is up in your head, and ground it down. Take a deep breath.

Slow down and take in the magic of the holidays. Love. Peace. Your favorite holiday song if you have one.

Slow down and create from this place.

and enjoy enjoy enjoy.

My soul and my sacred rebel are aligned

Last night after my Qoya Rebel class I spent some time just appreciating my essence and that I no longer feel the need to claim I'm a sacred rebel or put any energy into that at all. Wow.My soul and my sacred rebel are aligned. No forcing, No needing to fit into a box, Not needing to be angry. To try and make anyone else understand. Forgiveness. Softness. Delight. Living. Being. AHHHHH.

so much space and possibility.

And then my phone rings and I get a call from a "your opinion matters to us regarding product purchasing" research firm. For some reason after saying no to this call 4 times the past week i say yes. And they ask me question after question and each time give me a list of options to say yes to.

My yes is in none of the options they offer. My truth is no where to be found in their boxes.

My belief about my race, my religion, my appreciation of sports, my belief in the economy, my politics. No where. For the list of religions. I say Goddess/Mother Earth. The woman is flumoxed. Single, Single living with a Partner, Married, Divorced. I want to say Single, Multiple Lovers (which while not an option and not the truth, totally should be). I start giggling. More and more I start giggling. And when we are done. I am so delighted that I don't fit into any of these boxes laid forth for me. That with giggles and delight I have stepped outside of these boxes to come back to my true essence. And now even more so. Another layer of forcing, of trying to fit into some box, even the Rebel box, is gone.

I check the box for Being and that feels divine, luscious, easy and so damn welcome.

We have adapted

For much of my life, and I'm sensing for all of us here, we have been adapting. Adapting to family culture, to our regional culture, to being a woman as it's been laid out for us. I have been spending a lot of time reparenting myself these last few years and today, the day I'm getting my period, where emotions are rolling through me, where I feel connected to the collective pain of women, I tuned into a part of me that is so afraid of completely claiming my wild.
Will I be LOVED?
I cried these tears for this girl who more than anything wants to be loved, who more than anything wants to release all these adaptations that are so constrictive, so exhaustive, depleting, so out of alignment with my truth of wild hearted love and living.

It's a lot for her to get that she gets to be loved. And she thinks of it as Daddy love, of brother love, of being loved by men. That that is the litmus test for my worth. That means once I meet my man there is some final destination of 'oh, now I know I'm worthy, now I know I am lovable.' Waiting for the Love part in Eat, Pray, Love.

And instead the universe brings me love every day in so many other forms, constantly affirming my lovability. I've just been so focused on the man love part I forgot to always be grateful and truly receive the copious amounts of other love that is here for me. An afternoon with a sister where she buys me lunch because she appreciated my support. Receiving a drink from the hotel manager as a thank you for writing a thank you letter for the great service. A hug from a friend. Sun on my face as I walk outside. Being guided to gluten free restaurants so I can have that burger and feel good in my body. An invitation to a party where I am hugged and appreciated. Tulips. My health. being guided to a church on Saturday for some sanctuary and reminder of the beauty of my heart.

all LOVE. big love. real love. true love.

And so if I can stop the adaptation that this male love means more than the other. If I can stop adapting to being the good girl to receive that male love. If i can truly claim my wild desires to travel the world, to have lovers, to explore my sexuality and my sensuality for my pleasure, if I can release myself from the confines of my adaptation...well this is love. This is the legendary love affair I've been living more and more every day.

So here's to releasing our adaptations, every day letting go of a sense of shame, should, silence, denial, push back, overthinking, over eating. Here's to trusting our wild. Trusting that in leading this wild life, we are more loved than every imagined.

If only by ourselves for finally being in alignment and knowing we are living our wild truth, however that looks for each of us.

And I sense, and have experienced, that as I do this I feel more truly loved. Not artificial good girl love. But here I am with mascara running down my face loved. Don't care you love show tunes love. Think you are so incredible for one way tickets love. Loved more and more for my essence as I claim it, as I love up this little one who is so scared to do it wrong, to miss out on love in any form. Who feels so undernourished in receiving unconditional love.
So we are going to go for a walk and get a gluten free veggie burger, some dairy free ice cream, feel the sun on our face, feel the love of the trees we walk by, go to Qoya and be hugged by friends, dance this through and come back to another depth of our wild. Another depth of self love. Releasing more and more adaptations.

Where are you adapting and not living your wild? What is one thing you can do/be today to reclaim your wild? You are so loved. Let your wild heart guide you to your truth. Let your legendary love affair be with yourself.

Check out this YouTube video of John Mayer performing "Free Fallin'."

 

My wild is so fucking beautiful

My wild is so fucking beautiful
So powerful
My wild is sequin dresses, red lipstick, black stilettos
My wild is hiking into the grand canyon by myself and dancing over the Colorado river under the moon
My wild is lusciously savoring a gluten free cupcake with my eyes closed and moans escaping from my lips
My wild is one way tickets
Laying on the beach for a week
naps in hammocks
Kisses up against a brick wall
Dancing on the subway
Dancing on the top of a mountain
Making love to the ocean with my body
My Wild is my essence
My wild is disregarding the disapproval, the shoulds, the rules
talking with strangers, loving them up
buying myself tulips
dancing on a pier in Montreal
A cobbled street in Amsterdam

My wild is itching, clawing to come up even more
she is so tired of being contained, of holding back.
She yearns for so much
sex, communion, held gazes, breathing together, taking each other in- so so slowly
Creation. dancing for the world
Attention. 
My wild loves to be out in the world. So fucking tired of being shoved aside.
My wild is ready to receive flowers, love notes, invitations, propositions

My wild is dancing with the divine
complete surrender
releasing possessions
cutting my hair
speaking my truth

witch
mermaid
enchantress
nun

My wild is reading erotica, turning myself on
My wild is taking in the men around me for my pleasure, without a word spoken between us
My wild is my healing touch
My epic wise heart that knows no bounds

My wild is precious, beautiful, profound, delicious, hot, passionate, sexy, sensual, tender, powerful, intuitive, energetic, empathic

my wild is so worthy of being met and revered.

Our wild is waiting, waiting to be unleashed in the world.

let it out.

Let out the sounds, the desires, the yearning. Dance everywhere, sing everywhere, speak your truth everywhere and with everyone

Unleash the words, the movements, the touch, the truth that are calling you to birth, to own.

Imagine the world with your wild it. The reflection of your essence in the world that be so dry, rigid, contained.

The world needs your wild. You need your wild.

Check out this YouTube video of "This Feeling" by Alabama Shakes.