This is a long one folks..its been a day! And it was written two days ago…
I get downstairs in time to say goodbye to new women friends who now feel like sisters. I then eat a nourishing meal made for me, eggs, prosciutto, cheese, pan dulce- my new favorite thing. I mean come on. This is insane. the views, the people, hugs goodbye, welcome holas, I am feeling a little off center so I head back up for a few minutes, am able to post my FB post and realize I need to head out on a walk. I grab my phone so I can have my music with me and am off.
Little do I know
I head out, feeling this slightly frenetic energy moving through me. I allow this part of me to go on and on about the man, about boys, about not having a clue what to do or say, about never learning this stuff and it all feels so weird, and deeply wanting tenderness. And I feel her needing to cry, to move this out. Knowing now that’s what these walks are about. Moving my body to move energy out with love and nature. Using this energy to shift my energy.
and I pause and let this part of me know that everything is okay, I will be held, I will be taken care of, there is nothing to worry about. Every book, every experience, every person I need will come to me with ease and grace. She doesn’t need to think so much or worry. She is loved. So very very loved.
And I realize there are so many adventures to be had. That part of my, let’s call it confusion is the scale of things the experience of things.. That adventures means hiking the harshest places in Patagonia, the tallest, the most traveled. And I realize what I am really needing more of is an adventure of my heart. I’m needing to let my heart out into this world with other people, to receive love in this way. That yes my body also loves adventure. And that it is so important for me to move and honor this and it is also important to make sure I am having heart adventures, that I am expanding my sense of self with my heart too. Being brave with it, being honest with it’s desires. And part of expanding my heart means receiving. It means getting hugs, supported, and being held. It means knowing my heart and me matter. So I ask for more ways to explore this, to receive. And that they also be gentle and kind.
Little do I know
As I am walking and thinking I lose track of time. I see a sign for Playa del Sur and head that way. And I keep walking and the landscape keeps getting more wild and more beautiful and I sense I am not heading to Playa Guerro as directed…and yet my body wants to keep walking this way.
So I do
Because i’ve learned to trust my body over a map. over the rules.
I arrive at the southern most point of the island and am a bit disappointed thinking I’m going to have to turn around and do the same trail…not my favorite thing to hike back the way I came. I go down to rocky waterfront. My body wants to go right, to where the water meets the rock…and I do love to rock scrambles so I do for a bit. And it becomes a little bit more precarious but I check in with my body and it wants to keep going while my head is screaming THIS IS DANGEROUS. YOU COULD HURT YOURSELF!!! and many other horrible things. But I keep going. Trusting my body and then we get to a tricky patch..My shoes are now wet and there is sheer drop off, with the rock having a slight incline. I make a few hesitant moves, continuing to check in with my body which gives a green light, but I can’t find my path, I keep reminding myself, step by step. So, I take a few steps, I look back the way I came. I’m in this place for about 8-10 minutes. My body doesn't want to go up, it will go straight but not super excited about it. I push it a few times and then look down and realize if I take my shoes off and walk in the water…it will be much easier. So I do. I take off my shoes tie them together, put my socks in them and throw them over my neck. I get my purchase (fancy rock climbing term for footing) and am off! I feel my entire body light up!! This is awesome! I did it! There is a little adrenaline coursing through my veins that I trusted my body and moved through brain fear. A victory lap if you will. I keep going barefoot, loving how solid my feet feel as they connect on the rock. Joy. joy. joy. Then shoes back on, more scrambling for a bit. Total dead end and I head up a slope to make my way up junglesque terrain, steep hills back to the trail. There are only deer and wild boar trails.
Little do I know
I am so delighted as I make my way through these ‘trails’. Hopping over fallen logs, making my way under bamboo branches,..using my body to guide me. I start feeling more and more alive, going faster as my body becomes the guide. Faster and faster..and there is a moment when I tap my pocket…and my phone is gone. SHIT. I am in the midst of forest with no real path. I’ve been walking, leaping, zig zagging for 20 minutes…it could be in so many places. I take a moment to breath and then am guided to head back to the Hosteria. So I do.
Little do I know.
On the way home from the hike I notice my thinking is that I will be in trouble, I need to lie about my wild ways and where I was hiking, that my body guided me there. I feel my mind coming up with stories to keep me safe from the disapproval of the cousins.
I head upstairs to my room to on my computer to use the “locate your iPhone’.
My iPhone is located in the middle of the lake.
The island I am on is not even showing up on the map.
Shit.
I go downstairs. I tell the cousins the truth and there is no disapproval. There is only an offering of support. One offers me her iPhone so I can get the apple care support #, another uses his iPhone to get the iPhone app and see that we can check in and indeed it is still in the middle of the lake, another dances with me as I am on hold with Apple after the offering of the landline. And another, well he is the one who has to drive me there, meaning this will take up hours of his day, on his day off.
Apple, who tells me there are no ways and I remain positive and ask some questions..oh well yes you can track it on your computer, oh yes you can open up someone else’s app and use it to find your iPhone..SUCCESS!! We can drive, use another iPhone and press the emit sound button to track it!!! I decide to make this a grand adventure- how can this finding my iPhone be pleasurable? We need beer, an apple, some nuts, we need some music, some sense of grace, and of course an iPhone that I can search with and we head out in the jeep for this adventure. The universe provides me with a very kind, gentle, sturdy man. He speaks of nature and quiet and how things happen to teach us things. And I love being in this jeep, driving this terrain with this lovely man who also feels such a connection to a nature. As I have showed up in my truth about my love of nature, he has shared his. And I realize the more I show up in my truth, the universe brings me those who do to.
I am humbled by all I am receiving, humbled by this experience that brings me more love.
And so i trust the iPhone will be found with ease and grace.
The drive out is beautiful. Sun shining and we enjoy the quiet beauty of it all. He sips his Mate while I head down into the jungle terrain to find my phone. The iPhone app is not working, there is no sound emitting. I release letting that go as a means to find this phone and ask the wooden spirits, every Patagonian fairy there is to help me out. To help me find my phone. It takes me about 25 minutes to get to the shoreline near where I climbed up. I do my best to enjoy being in this beautiful place but am admittedly distracted as the sun starts setting and no phone is found. I make my way back. Nothing.
And I’m disappointed to somehow feel this is a loss greater than the phone. This means I am not connected to energy, that there is no magic, this is proof somehow. And he reminds me that perhaps there is another way to look at this. I get somber for a bit and it is not because of my phone it is because I am trying to find someway to say thank you. To say thank you for your sturdiness and your presence these last few days. Thank you for so unknowingly, just by your presence, bringing so much to my life. And these words haltingly, awkwardly come out of me for my appreciation of him, of all that he has gifted and shown me in a few days…in a few days he has expanded my sense of self. And so I turn to him and say’ You are sturdy, you are steady…what is another word, solid and I need that. I needed that presence in this journey. Thank you.” Not perfect, but at least the words were said. And I realize they need to be said more often, to more people.
Thank you for your presence in the perfect moment on my journey. Thank you.
I am grateful. Each of these people, by sharing their essence brought magic and a gift to my life in the exact moment I needed it. A moment of sisterhood, of hugs, of play, of frisbee throwing, of dancing, of conversation, of a shared meal. Each one of them is different energetically and I realize that is the beauty of family, friends. They bring different energies to you that are so vital. So within this family I have found one of the youngest to bring his flair for drama and acting that I love to engage with, another her free spirit, another his quiet heart and care, another his joy and openness, another her strength and hugs. Each of these people is opening me up to more parts of myself, resonance with more parts of me. And I believe this is what life is, to open ourselves up to more of who we are and after years of isolating I am discovering the joy in opening up, of allowing more in, of receiving more.
And it’s in this moment that I arrive at the hosteria, bringing the empty beer bottle to the bar, not even thinking about the iPhone and the American guest is peppering me with questions about my service provider and did iIback up and I ask her to stop because I am not even thinking about that.
It’s like I can’t even move because my body is saying just stay here. And one of the cousins shows up and I realize my emotions are that of gratitude. Gratitude that these people care, that they are mobilizing and offering horses, and trackers, and support. They are not angry at me, they are not telling me how foolish I was or scolding me for hiking out of bounds, they are pitching in to help me. One by one in perfect timing they show up with exactly what I need.
One by one they help my heart heal.
I have dinner, they bring me my favorite comfort food pappardelle and a kebab with the most amazing lentils ever. My glass has some pinot noir. Later chocolate and almond ice cream arrives. And I sit here on this sofa in a place that feels like home, a place I forget is Argentina, is so far from home, because this care, this care of the cousins has brought me into my heart in a such a special way. This in a very real way is home.
And so yes, I have some scratches on my legs, I have no iPhone in this moment..and yet none of that matters because I have experienced such a sense of love around this. I have been helped, driven, hugged. I have seen the sun through the trees on this magical island that so many never get to. I have eaten delicious food, I’ve been brave with my words.
My heart and body had a day of epic adventure.
I am humbled to receive such love, such care and I realize this is the adventure of the heart and body, sometimes there are Andean summits and sometimes there are lost iPhones at low altitude. This is the adventure of living, of giving and receiving, of being firmly planted between my pleasure, my body and my heart guiding the way. It is a day of unimaginable beauty, adventure, new experiences, wild, play and love.
I am so grateful for this day.
There was no tragedy. Only love, only love that comes from this, this thing of an iPhone lost in the woods, that feels like the creation of a new lifeline.
That of love.