I just got back from dinner with 7 of my dear friends. Women who have supported me through divorce, unemployment, transformation, uncertainty, grief, feeling lost and lonely, found and delighted. I try and find the words for this sensation. For the feeling of unconditional love. For the feeling of knowing people are here cheering me on, loving me no matter what. Regardless of all the external that is happening in my life. Being loved, feeling loved, my essence and very being feeling safe and honored.
unforgettable. irrevocable. magic. held. priceless. healing.
When so many things are shifting having some people in your corner is beyond a gift. Sisters that grounded me, stood for me, held me, supported me through years of shape shifting, excavating, sobbing, declarations that proved fruitless, feeling lost, worthless, confused, devastated, joyful, hopeful.
Having people who created a container while I fell apart, left all I knew behind to find my home, my truth. Who I knew I could call upon for hugs, a wise word, perspective. For love.
I don't have the words for what having these women show up for me means.
FOR ME.
For who I am. For who they love.
No agenda but my happiness, my feeling seen and whole. How the power of their love alchemized fear, doubt and a broken heart into love. My wish for all of you reading this is that you feel love. That you are surrounded by those who stand for the highest version of yourself when you are lost in the darkest places, the pieces you have to roll around in the mud with, the angst, the grief. That these people hold the light, the mirror of your worth, your beauty. May you be as blessed as I have with soul tribe who wanted more for me than I wanted for myself. Who saw more in me than I saw in myself. Who helped teach me my beauty, my magic, my worth.
So to these dear friends and many others I say thank you from the deepest, truest place in my soul. I say thank you for seeing me when I couldn't, for being fierce for me when I couldn't. For loving me when I couldn't, when all I could see was my weakness, my darkest places. When I wallowed in victim. Thank you for being light, when all I could do was be in the darkness.
And thank you seems not near enough.
I hug you for hours, I bring your armloads of flowers, wheelbarrows of the finest chocolate, vats of the most delicious wine. Thank you. Thank you for standing for me when I couldn't stand for myself. When I didn't know I was worth it.
I am humbled. I am grateful. I am full of tears and joy for the blessings bestowed upon me. May my offerings and the way I walk through the world be a living testament of my appreciation. May I hold unconditionally loving space for those who feel as lost, lonely, broken and unworthy as I did. The gift you gave will not go unreciprocated. The vastness of your love will be shared, paid forward to infinity.
From my wild heart to yours: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
PS it's also really fun to giggle about how sexy we think Jamie from Outlander is.